By Sakuni Weerasinghe   Humans worry. A lot. With uncertainty fuelled by everything that’s going on in the country, it is understandable that some of these worries are experienced in a heightened, more intense manner than before. Worries tied to ourselves and our worth or value – let’s call them insecurities – have come to the surface more than before. We worry that we have not done enough or are not doing enough. We worry that we are not being all that we should be. We worry that we will fail, and how others may perceive this failure. We worry about not being good enough. It’s almost as if we’ve started to shift the blame from the parties responsible, to now, ourselves. Our inner self-critics, happy at the opportunity presented, have started to tear us down. The problem is that this doesn’t just affect one area of life. Insecurities have a way of seeping into our social relationships, our careers, our goals, and our aspirations. As you stand in front of a mirror, you may notice how much change the person in the mirror has gone through due to these insecurities. The reflection you’ll see is of someone whose self-confidence and self-esteem are shattered, someone who feels inadequate, and someone experiencing more feelings of anxiety, anger, frustration, and perhaps even jealousy. However, we can start to rebuild our self-confidence once we start to cope with our insecurities. I use the term ‘cope’ because sometimes this inner critic can make its way back to our minds again; it’s not abnormal, even if you think that you’ve overcome your insecurities. In such circumstances, we need to be able to reach into our coping toolkit to manage our reactions to this inner critic.   Let’s look at a few types of insecurities   Basic need insecurity – prompted by the current circumstances, the stress we are enduring can start to affect our health, both physical and mental. When there is a lot of uncertainty about where the next meal may come from, or whether you will be able to retain your household until the tide settles, it is only understandable that you would turn inwards and criticise your ability to provide or your capacity to withstand the stressors before you.   Job insecurity – this is yet another form of insecurity tied to current circumstances, where the worries are primarily directed at a person’s capacity to hold their job. They may feel inadequate at the workplace, experience overwhelming doubt about whether they would be able to earn the same income over the long term, worry about being replaced, and question their skills and abilities, often feeling like an imposter.   Relationship insecurity – you may wonder if you’re good enough for your partner, your family, or your friends, and question your capacity of being in a relationship. You would be filled with worry about whether the significant other or friends may find other people to be more interesting or contribute to more fulfilling relationships than you. Often, these insecurities are masked in conflicts, and it takes time to unravel these deep-seated fears.   What paves the path for these insecurities to arise? The existing research evidence mainly points to the following factors, among many others.   Lack of emotional support growing up: As children, we rely heavily on our primary caregivers (often our parents) to help us make sense of the big emotions we feel. When our emotions are frequently dismissed, invalidated, and minimised and we’re not supported, we begin to become unsure of our capacities to manage emotion and manage stressors. We learn to have trust issues with ourselves.   Criticisms: The experiences of growing up, especially the criticisms we face, the ways in which our parents addressed us, critical comments from teachers or peers at school, and experiences of being bullied, can all be internalised to form the inner critic.   How can you cope with insecurities?   Forgiveness and compassion: Not only can you extend your compassion to those figures in the past who have been highly critical of you (possibly as they were battling their own insecurities), but you can also forgive yourself. You can forgive yourself for the negative remarks that you made, and be self-compassionate based on the understanding that you acted based on what you knew then.   Focus on integration: Notice the imperfect parts of you, the flaws that you have been rejecting for so long. See if you can accept these parts of yourself. Assess if you can improve on them in any way. Focus on seeing yourself as a whole – a perfectly imperfect person.   Practise self-validation: Often we over-rely on validation and approval from others. As we do this, we learn to trust others more so than we trust ourselves. To build self-esteem and self-worth, it helps to practise validating your own emotions and experiences and give yourself the approval that you seek from everyone else.   Say ‘no’ to comparison: Comparisons fuel insecurities. When you find yourself making a comparison, stop yourself, and recognise that your path is your own. You don’t have to do things the same way as others do or move at the same pace as others move.   PHOTOS © SMALLBUSINESSIFY.COM, DRMARGARETRUTHERFORD.COM, OTOSECTION.COM, APPLIEDALLIANCE.WORDPRESS.COM