Coping with loneliness during the holidays

06 Dec 2020

Coping with loneliness during the holidays

06 Dec 2020

By Sakuni Weerasinghe This time around last year, the malls were bustling with people doing their Christmas shopping. The streets were noisy and busy with people going on mini-getaways or week-long vacations with their little ones who were thoroughly enjoying every minute of their school holidays. People were starting to put up Christmas decorations and bring out the fairy lights to be draped in front of their office buildings. This year, in stark contrast, everything seems to have come to a standstill. Not that the celebrations are not happening, but rather perhaps with lessened intensity and lots of social/physical distancing. Although this is usually referred to as the time of love, joy, and celebration, many people are attesting to how lonely this holiday season is starting to feel. Loneliness stems from a state of solitude. With regulations maintained for physical distancing, covering up our faces with masks, and being separated from loved ones, we can easily see how the present situation brings out feelings of loneliness in many. It is completely normal to be feeling this way. Loneliness points towards an unmet need for connection. While we yearn for connection, certain actions based on feelings of loneliness can keep us from truly connecting. For example, it can bring up beliefs of unworthiness, and as a response, we may disengage from relationships more, leading others to distance themselves, which then becomes a toxic cycle. Therefore, the “antidote” to this experience is to connect. The primary way of coping with loneliness within relationships is to disclose how you feel. This actually helps to deepen your connections and allow others to see how deeply you love and care for them. Besides tapping the surface feelings, take time to try to explore all the associated feelings as well. Share your worries concerning your relationship such as how the distance affects you, how anxious you feel about the uncertainty of when you could meet again, or how helpless you feel in being unable to physically attend to them. Make sure you use non-threatening language and explore your feelings with the phrase, “I feel…”. Come up with ways in which you can still meet the needs of each other within the relationship, while making sure everyone is keeping safe. For example, consider the time preparing dinner as family bonding time where everyone gets involved as opposed to remaining alone in their respective rooms. You may also arrange a few Zoom sessions with your friends, call your partner at a designated time for a lengthier chat as opposed to texting like you always do, and deliver groceries to your grandparents’ house with a note that conveys how much you miss spending time with them (keeping their safety in mind, of course). As alone as we feel in our experience of loneliness, it helps to remember that more than half the world is enduring the effects of physical isolation this year. Therefore, the feelings of loneliness this holiday season are shared by so many who are separated from their loved ones and left alone in their homes. The way we could all collectively cope with these shared feelings of loneliness is to connect amidst the physical barriers. A simple question like “how are you feeling?” would be a first step in connecting with others and letting them know that you care for them. Make sure you create an environment where they could freely open up to you without fear of judgment as well; make it a connection filled with empathy and understand what they are enduring. Holidays are usually the time families come together in celebration as well as in giving back, which once again expands and deepens connections. If this is a time your family comes together in participating in a charity close to your heart, make sure you continue to keep the cause in mind and explore other avenues of acting on it. Thanks to technology that allows us to make monetary transactions online, you are able to arrange for donations even from a distance. You can also contribute your time and skills to support such a cause. For example, if you’re keen on spreading awareness on mental health concerns, you could arrange a webinar with an expert, post an online article or social media post about it, create some eye-catching flyers that would shed some light on such a crucial topic, etc. This is one of the many ways that help sustain that feeling of connection. As for things you could do personally to cope with loneliness, the first on the list would be to practice abundant self-care. Make sure you make your alone time extra special, whether it be running a warm bath for yourself, making yourself a mug of hot chocolate and enjoying some Netflix, or listening to some Christmas carols as you bake some Christmas treats. You could also use home delivery services and gift yourself something you have always wanted. While it may not make the feelings of loneliness disappear just like that, cultivating gratitude can also bring up a lot of positive emotions that can be healing. Its benefits include lowering stress, enhancing immunity, and improving sleep. Hence, it can serve as a protective force against the behaviours that are detrimental to overall health brought about by persistent feelings of loneliness. A simple activity you could do to practise gratitude at the end of the day before sleeping is to stretch out your left palm in front of you and count five things or people you are grateful for. Make sure you reflect on the “why” aspect of the feeling of gratitude for deeper understanding. Persistent feelings of loneliness could at times be traced back to past emotional experiences. The present situation and its stressors then elicit the feelings of loneliness and bring them to the surface. In such a case, a deeper exploration of these feelings may be helpful in terms of reflecting on personal scars, losses of significant relationships, and other traumas. This can only be done under the careful guidance of a mental health professional. Sometimes feelings of loneliness can also push us into unhealthy behavioural patterns such as addictions. Therefore, seeking help from a therapist could be a really healthy coping mechanism in managing feelings of loneliness. Although we are mostly keeping our distance from each other during this holiday season, there’s always the next year to look forward to. Until then, make sure you nourish yourself and your relationships and make efforts to connect on the daily. Photos TED, Uleth, WebMD, Verywell Mind, Sofia Mendoza

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Coping with loneliness during the holidays

Coping with loneliness during the holidays

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