By Shakira Shareef
Some believe that time heals but I don’t believe in time healing pain. It might be the case for some but it’s never the only factor. Trauma takes its own time and if someone tells you to get over it on their terms, don’t let their words reach your ears. People can easily ask you to get over your trauma but they aren’t in your shoes.
If someone were to say to me: “Don’t worry, you’ll forget it with time,” I would disagree. I still remember the traumatic phase of my life from ten years ago. If time had the power to heal, I would have forgotten that phase by now and I wouldn’t be writing about it here for everyone to read.
Healing, in my terms, is brushing the bruises under the rug. One simple trigger could bring back everything, fresh and raw. Do we really heal or forget?
What stops healing?
Why do I think that I can never get over tormenting memories? There are several reasons why one is unable to heal.
- When you keep reminding yourself of how terrible a breakup was or how unfortunate you were to let that incident happen to you
- Though it’s challenging, the more you hold a grudge, the harder it gets to overcome trauma
- Denying the incident. It can be hard, but until you overcome the denial stage, you’ll be unable to heal
- Being hard on yourself for letting it happen, although you’re not truly responsible for it or struggling to forgive the person who caused the trauma
- Not using a proper support system or maintaining an outlet to express your feelings
- Focusing on unhealthy coping mechanisms.