By Vanessa Mendis
Schools have closed again. Academics have taken the leap from the conventional classroom to online sessions and friendships have become limited to calls and messaging. The children of our nation, and around the world, are struggling to come to terms with the ways of surviving a pandemic, even while they may not fully understand it.
To understand the implications of the pandemic and its contribution to the lack of social interaction in children and adolescents, which is a major component of cognitive and psychological development, we spoke to clinical psychologist and lecturer MPhil (UoC [University of Colombo], Sri Lanka) Thilakshi Fernando, who is currently working towards reinforcing families and sibling relationships to handle psychological challenges.
[caption id="attachment_136077" align="alignright" width="484"]
"While abuse that can happen outside the family may have reduced, the abuse that occurs within family dynamics towards children has seen an increase. As far as I can tell, statistics say that abuse within families towards children – physical, emotional, and verbal – has increased, which can also be seen in the case of domestic violence" Clinical psychologist and lecturer Thilakshi Fernando[/caption]
Which areas are you currently specialised in?
I work with adolescents, children with neuro-developmental complications, and families as a whole, while taking into account parents and siblings of the child who would be going through any psychological challenges or neuro-developmental issues. I realised that that would be a more effective approach, so that I am able to provide better assistance.
What do you feel about the significance given to children’s psychology in Sri Lanka, and how can we improve?
Regardless of age, I feel like there is not much importance given to this area. This may perhaps be due to the fact that psychological impairments and afflictions are not so visible. Children also often may not know how to verbalise what they are going through. Parents may also not always be receptive to what their children are going through. However, the importance that is being given to this is steadily growing. I have worked with children who are aged 10,11, and 12 who themselves have communicated to their parents that they need some psychological support and have come to me.
Are our psychological resources/facilities being used efficiently?
We have good resources and there are many free services as well. But there needs to be more awareness that needs to be created so that people can reach out to the right places. The social stigma around mental health also hinders parents reaching out for support, for their children.
How has the pandemic in general affected the psychology of children in Sri Lanka?
In general, there are social, emotional, psychological, and academic challenges that are prevalent. This applies to children with neuro-deveopmental issues as well. However, there are both positive and negative impacts of the pandemic. For example, children find the process of online education and the fact that teachers now use interactive graphics to be positive. However, some students find the lack of physical and social interaction with their teacher to be a deterrent. Positively, children learn independence and enjoy quality family time.
Negatively there is a lack of social interaction not just with friends but with relatives too and the challenges in understanding academically what the teacher is delivering. Technological and infrastructure issues also impact children when they have a scarcity of facilities. Especially with children who have special needs, children now do not have the access to the previous facilities they did at school which help them interact and even study, which results in social withdrawal and the difficulty to regulate emotions, resulting in aggressive or troubling behaviour. When children cannot maintain attention to sit in front of a computer, parents become aggressive towards them and when they are harsh towards children, and the children see parents as an “enemy”, leading to dysfunctional family dynamics. I feel like there is an increased chance of abuse within the family as well.
Let’s elaborate on that. How has child abuse increased during the pandemic?
While abuse that can happen outside the family may have reduced, the abuse that occurs within family dynamics towards children has seen an increase. According to my observations, statistically, abuse within families towards children, be it physical, emotional, or verbal, has increased, which can also be seen in the case of domestic violence. Also, children are now more active on social media, which results in cyberbullying, engaging with predators online, and social media addiction. Even binge-watching TV series is prevalent in adolescents.
The lack of social interactions has impacted children across a wide spectrum of ages. How has this affected different age groups? 
Let’s start with babies. All essential social skills are restricted for babies born into the pandemic. They will be restricted in social interactions and responsibilities and they also do not get to learn about how to deal with people outside of the immediate family. The parents themselves experience immense levels of anxiety and stress in giving birth to a child and bringing them up right now. So these growing kids will see distressed parents and it is likely that they adopt the unhealthy coping mechanisms that the parents imbibe, in themselves, leading to psychological challenges growing up.
With toddlers, many may not have the space to interact with friends and teachers, their ability to develop empathy, taking turns, and sharing can be negatively impacted. They may also develop shyness and become overly clingy towards their primary caregivers.
For adolescents, the main impact is school closure and the inability to meet friends and being stuck at home with just immediate family. Adolescents invest in social connections apart from their family, which contributes to them developing a sense of identity, through the connections built with friends and peers. In addition, the lack of exposure to different cultures and religions as they usually would be could also lead to a level of intolerance or misunderstanding/misrepresentation, especially as we live in a cosmopolitan country. The inability to engage in extracurricular activities could lead to physical health and self-esteem issues as well as a decline in the development of social skills.
Hypothetically, expanding on what you expressed, is it likely that we’re going to be looking at an antisocial, introverted, selfish, or avoidant-anxious generation ?
Yes, we can hypothesise this. However, if families are healthy and skilled at maintaining dynamics, support, and emotional regulation, children will not grow up with such complications. There is no way to say this with guarantee. But yes, an antisocial, introverted, selfish, or avoidant-anxious generation could be a possibility. We are looking at children growing up with minimal social interactions, and perhaps learning the unhealthy coping mechanisms of parents. Therefore, it could be assumed that such situations can present themselves.
Could strict/authoritarian parenting and lack of social exposure, apart from social media, lead to self-esteem and unhealthy attachment styles?
Again, as an assumption yes. There could be unhealthy attachment issues, self-esteem issues, and more psychological issues, especially if parents are stringent. Especially with the level of social media usage, there could be issues where children growing up are unable to maintain healthy boundaries. They could compare themselves to what they see on social media as well and develop certain body dysmorphic issues. Anxiety, stress, depression, and suicidal thoughts could also be prevalent.
What kind of support is available, as of now, to combat this – both for parents and children alike?
There is psychological support that is available. However, the chances of parents themselves reaching out for help is really low, especially in the case of babies being born into the pandemic. I encourage parents and primary caregivers to seek out these support resources (many of them available free of charge) to handle difficult situations in a healthy manner. In addition, consider things like having a pet in the house (for developing empathy and responsibility skills), involving children in activities like cooking or gardening, and doing household chores and spending quality time with them while creating a space for them to openly express themselves is truly important. Allowing children to interact with their classmates (with supervision) is also a good way to enforce a positive environment.
As the Covid-19 pandemic continues to rage around the world and in Sri Lanka, children growing up under stressful social situations and with unhealthy family dynamics and restrictions are immensely impacted. As we all continue to valiantly swim upstream in a battle that seems to be without end at the moment, the nurturing of healthy mindsets, self-esteem, and perspectives in our future generations is vital.
Let’s begin by normalising the fact that parents or children of any age are simply human and, importantly, that reaching out for the right resources and assistance is a healthy approach to tackling the challenges they face. Let’s promote healthy relationships in place of trauma bonding and realistic self-image in children and adolescents along with resilience in the face of uncertainty.
"While abuse that can happen outside the family may have reduced, the abuse that occurs within family dynamics towards children has seen an increase. As far as I can tell, statistics say that abuse within families towards children – physical, emotional, and verbal – has increased, which can also be seen in the case of domestic violence" Clinical psychologist and lecturer Thilakshi Fernando[/caption]
Which areas are you currently specialised in?
I work with adolescents, children with neuro-developmental complications, and families as a whole, while taking into account parents and siblings of the child who would be going through any psychological challenges or neuro-developmental issues. I realised that that would be a more effective approach, so that I am able to provide better assistance.
What do you feel about the significance given to children’s psychology in Sri Lanka, and how can we improve?
Regardless of age, I feel like there is not much importance given to this area. This may perhaps be due to the fact that psychological impairments and afflictions are not so visible. Children also often may not know how to verbalise what they are going through. Parents may also not always be receptive to what their children are going through. However, the importance that is being given to this is steadily growing. I have worked with children who are aged 10,11, and 12 who themselves have communicated to their parents that they need some psychological support and have come to me.
Are our psychological resources/facilities being used efficiently?
We have good resources and there are many free services as well. But there needs to be more awareness that needs to be created so that people can reach out to the right places. The social stigma around mental health also hinders parents reaching out for support, for their children.
How has the pandemic in general affected the psychology of children in Sri Lanka?
In general, there are social, emotional, psychological, and academic challenges that are prevalent. This applies to children with neuro-deveopmental issues as well. However, there are both positive and negative impacts of the pandemic. For example, children find the process of online education and the fact that teachers now use interactive graphics to be positive. However, some students find the lack of physical and social interaction with their teacher to be a deterrent. Positively, children learn independence and enjoy quality family time.
Negatively there is a lack of social interaction not just with friends but with relatives too and the challenges in understanding academically what the teacher is delivering. Technological and infrastructure issues also impact children when they have a scarcity of facilities. Especially with children who have special needs, children now do not have the access to the previous facilities they did at school which help them interact and even study, which results in social withdrawal and the difficulty to regulate emotions, resulting in aggressive or troubling behaviour. When children cannot maintain attention to sit in front of a computer, parents become aggressive towards them and when they are harsh towards children, and the children see parents as an “enemy”, leading to dysfunctional family dynamics. I feel like there is an increased chance of abuse within the family as well.
Let’s elaborate on that. How has child abuse increased during the pandemic?
While abuse that can happen outside the family may have reduced, the abuse that occurs within family dynamics towards children has seen an increase. According to my observations, statistically, abuse within families towards children, be it physical, emotional, or verbal, has increased, which can also be seen in the case of domestic violence. Also, children are now more active on social media, which results in cyberbullying, engaging with predators online, and social media addiction. Even binge-watching TV series is prevalent in adolescents.
The lack of social interactions has impacted children across a wide spectrum of ages. How has this affected different age groups?
Let’s start with babies. All essential social skills are restricted for babies born into the pandemic. They will be restricted in social interactions and responsibilities and they also do not get to learn about how to deal with people outside of the immediate family. The parents themselves experience immense levels of anxiety and stress in giving birth to a child and bringing them up right now. So these growing kids will see distressed parents and it is likely that they adopt the unhealthy coping mechanisms that the parents imbibe, in themselves, leading to psychological challenges growing up.
With toddlers, many may not have the space to interact with friends and teachers, their ability to develop empathy, taking turns, and sharing can be negatively impacted. They may also develop shyness and become overly clingy towards their primary caregivers.
For adolescents, the main impact is school closure and the inability to meet friends and being stuck at home with just immediate family. Adolescents invest in social connections apart from their family, which contributes to them developing a sense of identity, through the connections built with friends and peers. In addition, the lack of exposure to different cultures and religions as they usually would be could also lead to a level of intolerance or misunderstanding/misrepresentation, especially as we live in a cosmopolitan country. The inability to engage in extracurricular activities could lead to physical health and self-esteem issues as well as a decline in the development of social skills.
Hypothetically, expanding on what you expressed, is it likely that we’re going to be looking at an antisocial, introverted, selfish, or avoidant-anxious generation ?
Yes, we can hypothesise this. However, if families are healthy and skilled at maintaining dynamics, support, and emotional regulation, children will not grow up with such complications. There is no way to say this with guarantee. But yes, an antisocial, introverted, selfish, or avoidant-anxious generation could be a possibility. We are looking at children growing up with minimal social interactions, and perhaps learning the unhealthy coping mechanisms of parents. Therefore, it could be assumed that such situations can present themselves.
Could strict/authoritarian parenting and lack of social exposure, apart from social media, lead to self-esteem and unhealthy attachment styles?
Again, as an assumption yes. There could be unhealthy attachment issues, self-esteem issues, and more psychological issues, especially if parents are stringent. Especially with the level of social media usage, there could be issues where children growing up are unable to maintain healthy boundaries. They could compare themselves to what they see on social media as well and develop certain body dysmorphic issues. Anxiety, stress, depression, and suicidal thoughts could also be prevalent.
What kind of support is available, as of now, to combat this – both for parents and children alike?
There is psychological support that is available. However, the chances of parents themselves reaching out for help is really low, especially in the case of babies being born into the pandemic. I encourage parents and primary caregivers to seek out these support resources (many of them available free of charge) to handle difficult situations in a healthy manner. In addition, consider things like having a pet in the house (for developing empathy and responsibility skills), involving children in activities like cooking or gardening, and doing household chores and spending quality time with them while creating a space for them to openly express themselves is truly important. Allowing children to interact with their classmates (with supervision) is also a good way to enforce a positive environment.
As the Covid-19 pandemic continues to rage around the world and in Sri Lanka, children growing up under stressful social situations and with unhealthy family dynamics and restrictions are immensely impacted. As we all continue to valiantly swim upstream in a battle that seems to be without end at the moment, the nurturing of healthy mindsets, self-esteem, and perspectives in our future generations is vital.
Let’s begin by normalising the fact that parents or children of any age are simply human and, importantly, that reaching out for the right resources and assistance is a healthy approach to tackling the challenges they face. Let’s promote healthy relationships in place of trauma bonding and realistic self-image in children and adolescents along with resilience in the face of uncertainty.