By Sakuni Weerasinghe
We all have an innate desire to connect. We are social beings, after all. Despite how much we want to connect with others, every now and then we experience what is termed “loneliness”. Loneliness is a state that stems from a perceived gap between our desire for connection and the actual experiences of our social relationships. It concerns the feeling of being alone and isolated. Situational factors such as curfews/lockdowns, maintaining physical distancing, and lessening the number of hangouts with others as a precautionary step in the face of Covid-19 can contribute to the feeling of being isolated. Hence, it is time to take a moment to reflect on our emotions, particularly those that may be associated with our social life.
Loneliness is a state of solitude. It also leads people to experience feeling empty and unwanted. Besides the situational factors listed above, moving to a new city, breakups and divorce, and losing someone significant in your life can lead to the experience of loneliness. Researchers, delving deeper into the topic, have found those with lowered self-esteem and lowered self-confidence often have a deep-seated belief of being unworthy of the connections with others and hence may engage in distancing, which can then result in feelings of loneliness. This creates a vicious cycle: The more they distance, the more they feel lonely and the more others seem farther away from them, which in turn affirms their beliefs of unworthiness.
Loneliness has to do more with feeling alone rather than being alone. Many people have a tendency to believe that the more you are surrounded by people, the less likely you will feel lonely. This is not necessarily true. You might spend your entire day hanging out with your colleagues and friends and still feel lonely. This is not to undermine the positive effects of being surrounded by loving and supportive friends and family. It is evident that when it comes to relationships, their quality tends to have tremendous effects on our wellbeing than their quantity.
It’s important that we manage the experience of loneliness as it can contribute to negative effects particularly on our physical and mental health. Loneliness can be both a sign of an underlying mental health condition such as depression and anxiety as well as a contributing factor towards their development. Chronic loneliness has been linked to increased stress levels, lower quality of sleep, and increases the risk of self-harm behaviours such as suicide. In terms of illnesses, loneliness can increase the risk for high cholesterol, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases.
There are a few ways in which you can manage loneliness.
- Ask yourself what the experience of loneliness is telling you
- Notice when you’re withdrawing from others as a response to loneliness
- Engage in self-care and practise self-love
- Volunteer for a cause close to your heart
- Enrol for a course, attend a workshop or a lecture
- Talk to a mental health professional