- ‘Narcissistic personality disorder’ and what is really is
Physician, psychologist, and integrative health specialist Dr. Theonie Anthonisz[/caption]
To understand the subject better, Brunch spoke to physician, psychologist, and integrative health specialist Dr. Theonie Anthonisz.
Following are excerpts of the interview.
What is narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centred and arrogant thinking and behaviour, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder can have a range of symptoms, including being cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronising, and demanding. The disorder has several subtypes. A lot of the time, narcissistic personality disorder issues do not get diagnosed because they have volunteered for this diagnosis; it is simply because they come in with a different condition and in the process are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
What is the diagnostic criteria to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder?
They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance along with a sense of entitlement, and require constant, excessive admiration, expect to be recognised as superior even without achievements that warrant it, exaggerate achievements and talents, are preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect mate, believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people, monopolise conversations, belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior, expect special favours and unquestioning compliance with their expectations, take advantage of others to get what they want, have an inability or unwillingness to recognise the needs and feelings of others, be envious of others and believe others envy them, behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, come across as conceited, boastful, and pretentious, and insist on having the best of everything (for instance, the best car or office).
Would you say a narcissist is more harmful in their tendencies in comparison with somebody who has narcissistic personality disorder?
Narcissism is attributed with having an excessive interest in, or admiration of, oneself and one’s physical appearance. They are selfish, vain, and attention-seeking; they think highly of themselves and have little regard for other people’s feelings. While somebody with narcissistic personality disorder would have the same symptoms, they would sustain the behaviours throughout the course of any relationship they have.
Narcissists are damaging, in my opinion, based on the fact that they do not see the issue in their behaviour. It is important to add that we all have certain narcissistic qualities or personality traits, but our level of being able to define the boundary for what is correct and wrong is what differentiates us from somebody who is harmful, psychologically, to somebody who is not.
Narcissistic abuse is something we see today commonly. What is narcissistic abuse?
I believe that we have to be a little careful with this because we could simply be experiencing a person with some narcissistic traits and not necessarily the disorder. Narcissistic abuse is emotional abuse. However, if a person actually has the personality disorder, the situation can be intense in forms of being hypercritical. They would always want things to go the way they want to go, and if you do not match up to that, they would invalidate emotion, along with gaslighting, because a narcissist would always play the victim. A narcissist has very low self-esteem. I must stress that most people who come from relationships with narcissists have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) or similar symptoms, which is difficult to deal with.
What are the possible risk factors for developing narcissistic personality disorder?
Those who have experienced a poor/unpredictable parenting style could develop narcissistic personality disorder. It can also be that people have grown up with a parenting style where a person has been overly praised growing up, even when they do not deserve it. A narcissist is somebody who will have grandiose ideas of themselves and at the same time, have no problem with it.
Would you say a narcissist is more harmful than a person diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder?
Like I said before, we can all have narcissistic traits or lack empathy at one point. That kind of situation does not make you a narcissist. The symptoms of being narcissistic need to be pervasive in every area of life for them to be diagnosed with the conditions. It is an absolute sense of self-importance and esteem, which is almost always based on external validation. Any narcissistic individual, with or without the disorder, will alway make any conversation about them. They will also dish out criticism without the ability to take it upon them. They would alway externalise whatever issues that they have within and have a very non-empathetic behaviour, leading them to make friendships and relationships that take advantage of other people. They have power-oriented delusions to do with how perfect they are, and they will absolutely not tolerate negativity on any level, which is why narcissism can be harmful, at any level, regardless of whether they are diagnosed or not.
Is narcissistic abuse real, on the level we see today on social media?
Yes, it is very real. However, you also have to understand that the people who talk about narcissistic abuse may simply have encountered somebody who has a few narcissistic personality traits. It would be good to assess whether you have friends who always want attention, who want to make every problem about themselves, and so on. The biggest issue with narcissistic abuse could be that it makes you question yourself, especially because of the fact that they gaslight you. I would say that before we label someone as a “narcissist”, we must also understand whether they actually are narcissistic or just showing a narcissistic personality trait.
There is a lot of content available on social media about narcissism. How can we be sensible in the consumption of such content?
I would advise that we all read up on some research papers in journals about narcissism. I would also suggest that we not refer to random internet searches to understand what narcissism is. Most search results could be based on people who are themselves recovering from narcissistic abuse, and that would not be the best way to find out. Ask yourself three questions:
- Can I be myself with this person?
- Do I have to tiptoe around them and hide things from them to maintain a relationship with them?
- Do I have to self-abandon?