By Jomo Uduman
What women and men undergo at workplaces (and all other places) where their dignity is trampled upon, abused, harassed, and embarrassed must surely be addressed appropriately to rein in the culprits. Victims often come out of their trauma after some or many years because they want closure, healing, comfort, support, and justice. Any psychotherapist will encourage this catharsis. Coming out at whatever time can also empower other victims and hopefully deter people from indulging in such behaviour. Harassment is first and foremost about power, no matter who wields it. It can also be driven by anger and insecurity as much as it is by attraction or obsession. Harassers prefer to embarrass and humiliate their targets than engage with them humanely.
Interestingly, a University of Washington-led study found that women who are young, “conventionally attractive”, and appear and act feminine are more likely to be believed when making accusations of sexual harassment, leaving people who don’t fit the prototype facing greater hurdles. The Colombo-centric MeToo will hopefully also be aware of the thousands of women out there in urban and rural Sri Lanka who experience harassment on a daily basis in their work, domestic, and public spaces. Many hear them being referred to (in the vernacular) as the female organ and/or in the context of the threat of raping their mothers. Others endure physical abuse as well. Will MeToo express solidarity with them too and reach out?
All of us have now grown up in a culture that also promotes assault and harassment through movies, music, and advertisements. Some stories on unhealthy relationships are presented as romantic, seductive, or even humorous. Interpersonal communications follow scripts that promote dishonesty and toxic gender roles: With boys being depicted as sexually insatiable and never victimised, and girls as either good and sexually pure, or hyper sexual.
All workplaces should have a code of conduct with a warning that harassment will be dealt with severely. When employees resign, they can be given an opportunity to record any bad experiences they have suffered during their employment. This will help alert the employer to address any concerns. Employers must implement training programmes to educate employees about what a fair workplace should be like for men and women. What harassment is and what it is not, and what sexism actually means. A fair question?
Could women and men be empowered to engage with their “harasser” and talk to them clearly about their feelings and how it is affecting their self-esteem and mental health? Is this a viable option? If this is done at an appropriate moment, can it bring about awareness and then change? It could also mean that the culprit is put on notice and that the victim may consider alternate routes if the appeal fails. This could deter the onset of trauma for the victim and an opportunity to regain confidence and courage.
Should allegations follow reasonable, due, and just processes? Can the rush for justice in the court of public opinion destroy an untarnished career; affect home relationships and mental health?
The pendulum presently swings in the direction of “everyone’s guilty, don’t you dare attempt denial”. With social media at its ravaging best today, you’re guilty until proven innocent. The accused must also be encouraged to respond to allegations in a safe space and be provided the right of reply, to apologise (or request for an apology), which should be given the same publicity as the allegations. This is fair and square. But it may not be happening today.
Should victims and those who pledge solidarity be cautious about how they frame their stories for social media consumption? For instance, should naming and shaming by innuendo, whisper campaigns, or otherwise be the first response? Should they consider parents, spouses, siblings, children, grandchildren, and others who could be deeply scarred when they read these accounts where everybody wants to dive in and say their piece? Do some supporters (or allies) of MeToo come across as extremists? Do they believe they are fighting an evil (the patriarchy) so foul that they don’t deserve any presumption of innocence? Are all who pledge solidarity squeaky clean? Are all who don’t also guilty?
There was another side to MeToo in 2018 when one of the first of Harvey Weinstein’s accusers to come forward, Asia Argento, found herself on the other side of the movement. Argento agreed to pay $ 380,000 to an actor and musician after she was accused of sexually assaulting him when he was underage. The fallout then was about avoiding a double standard when it comes to handling harassment complaints where the accused is female and the accuser is male. Then, the popular talk show celebrity Ellen DeGeneres faced pretty serious allegations of misconduct and harassment and had to apologise to her viewers and employees.
Stockholm’s Kulturhuset Stadsteatern Director Benny Fredriksson resigned and died by suicide after he was accused by employees for misconduct. Justice arrived too late when the investigation revealed no evidence whatsoever. His distraught wife called herself a “MeToo widow”. This resulted in a backlash against the movement in Sweden. The public began to recognise that the accused could well be the actual victim and accusers might not be as saintly as portrayed. Such a realisation came too late as an innocent man lost his life. There are many other such stories out there (and here) which should be researched.
Educating teens and adults is the first step to prevention. Helping them understand sexual needs, desires, and boundaries will create a culture of consent. When two people interact, whether in friendship, flirtation, dating, or long-term and marital relationship, empathy and consent should be present.
Sexuality and consent are topics that many educators hesitate to bring up because of the lack of resources and understanding of how to address these complex and sensitive topics appropriately with tweens and teens. We need to train teachers and administrators on sexual misconduct, consent, dating violence, and reporting and response obligations. We need to structure these conversations across the curriculum so that students receive these messages. I do hope our journalists can take this message forward in a productive manner.
Men can begin to express concerns about what’s permissible in the workplace. Have we gotten to the point now where men can’t say, ‘that’s a nice dress’ or ‘did you do something with your hair?’. Is it possible that they could now become afraid to mentor women at work, fearing what will happen if they meet behind closed doors without another person present? And in turn, could this unfairly set back the gains made by women in the fight for gender equality in the workplace and social justice in general?
(The writer looks at social issues in an empathetic, non-judgemental, and humane manner. He believes that most deviant behaviours stem from past trauma, poor coping skills, and feelings of low self-esteem. He advocates prevention, befriending, and rehab to promote change)
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.
The writer is the CEO of a Corporate entity and looks at social issues in an empathetic, non judgemental and humane manner. He believes that most deviant behaviors stem from past trauma, poor coping skills and feelings of low self esteem. He advocates prevention, befriending and rehab to promote change'.
Interestingly, a University of Washington-led study found that women who are young, “conventionally attractive”, and appear and act feminine are more likely to be believed when making accusations of sexual harassment, leaving people who don’t fit the prototype facing greater hurdles. The Colombo-centric MeToo will hopefully also be aware of the thousands of women out there in urban and rural Sri Lanka who experience harassment on a daily basis in their work, domestic, and public spaces. Many hear them being referred to (in the vernacular) as the female organ and/or in the context of the threat of raping their mothers. Others endure physical abuse as well. Will MeToo express solidarity with them too and reach out?
All of us have now grown up in a culture that also promotes assault and harassment through movies, music, and advertisements. Some stories on unhealthy relationships are presented as romantic, seductive, or even humorous. Interpersonal communications follow scripts that promote dishonesty and toxic gender roles: With boys being depicted as sexually insatiable and never victimised, and girls as either good and sexually pure, or hyper sexual.
All workplaces should have a code of conduct with a warning that harassment will be dealt with severely. When employees resign, they can be given an opportunity to record any bad experiences they have suffered during their employment. This will help alert the employer to address any concerns. Employers must implement training programmes to educate employees about what a fair workplace should be like for men and women. What harassment is and what it is not, and what sexism actually means. A fair question?
Could women and men be empowered to engage with their “harasser” and talk to them clearly about their feelings and how it is affecting their self-esteem and mental health? Is this a viable option? If this is done at an appropriate moment, can it bring about awareness and then change? It could also mean that the culprit is put on notice and that the victim may consider alternate routes if the appeal fails. This could deter the onset of trauma for the victim and an opportunity to regain confidence and courage.
Should allegations follow reasonable, due, and just processes? Can the rush for justice in the court of public opinion destroy an untarnished career; affect home relationships and mental health?
The pendulum presently swings in the direction of “everyone’s guilty, don’t you dare attempt denial”. With social media at its ravaging best today, you’re guilty until proven innocent. The accused must also be encouraged to respond to allegations in a safe space and be provided the right of reply, to apologise (or request for an apology), which should be given the same publicity as the allegations. This is fair and square. But it may not be happening today.
Should victims and those who pledge solidarity be cautious about how they frame their stories for social media consumption? For instance, should naming and shaming by innuendo, whisper campaigns, or otherwise be the first response? Should they consider parents, spouses, siblings, children, grandchildren, and others who could be deeply scarred when they read these accounts where everybody wants to dive in and say their piece? Do some supporters (or allies) of MeToo come across as extremists? Do they believe they are fighting an evil (the patriarchy) so foul that they don’t deserve any presumption of innocence? Are all who pledge solidarity squeaky clean? Are all who don’t also guilty?
There was another side to MeToo in 2018 when one of the first of Harvey Weinstein’s accusers to come forward, Asia Argento, found herself on the other side of the movement. Argento agreed to pay $ 380,000 to an actor and musician after she was accused of sexually assaulting him when he was underage. The fallout then was about avoiding a double standard when it comes to handling harassment complaints where the accused is female and the accuser is male. Then, the popular talk show celebrity Ellen DeGeneres faced pretty serious allegations of misconduct and harassment and had to apologise to her viewers and employees.
Stockholm’s Kulturhuset Stadsteatern Director Benny Fredriksson resigned and died by suicide after he was accused by employees for misconduct. Justice arrived too late when the investigation revealed no evidence whatsoever. His distraught wife called herself a “MeToo widow”. This resulted in a backlash against the movement in Sweden. The public began to recognise that the accused could well be the actual victim and accusers might not be as saintly as portrayed. Such a realisation came too late as an innocent man lost his life. There are many other such stories out there (and here) which should be researched.
Educating teens and adults is the first step to prevention. Helping them understand sexual needs, desires, and boundaries will create a culture of consent. When two people interact, whether in friendship, flirtation, dating, or long-term and marital relationship, empathy and consent should be present.
Sexuality and consent are topics that many educators hesitate to bring up because of the lack of resources and understanding of how to address these complex and sensitive topics appropriately with tweens and teens. We need to train teachers and administrators on sexual misconduct, consent, dating violence, and reporting and response obligations. We need to structure these conversations across the curriculum so that students receive these messages. I do hope our journalists can take this message forward in a productive manner.
Men can begin to express concerns about what’s permissible in the workplace. Have we gotten to the point now where men can’t say, ‘that’s a nice dress’ or ‘did you do something with your hair?’. Is it possible that they could now become afraid to mentor women at work, fearing what will happen if they meet behind closed doors without another person present? And in turn, could this unfairly set back the gains made by women in the fight for gender equality in the workplace and social justice in general?
(The writer looks at social issues in an empathetic, non-judgemental, and humane manner. He believes that most deviant behaviours stem from past trauma, poor coping skills, and feelings of low self-esteem. He advocates prevention, befriending, and rehab to promote change)
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.
The writer is the CEO of a Corporate entity and looks at social issues in an empathetic, non judgemental and humane manner. He believes that most deviant behaviors stem from past trauma, poor coping skills and feelings of low self esteem. He advocates prevention, befriending and rehab to promote change'.