By Randev Jayasinha There are times when discussions on ethnic and religious divides come to the forefront in society, and one such time is now. It has become a topic of discussion with a focus on how best to overcome the ethnic divide and look at ways of co-existing. One such instance of bridging this gap is through marriage, which is considered a sacred act in Sri Lankan culture. Interracial marriages, also known as mixed marriages, have served as a thread that binds all colours of society through history. The Sunday Morning spoke to a group of individuals who have found their spouses from another ethnicity, as well as family members from such families. Life in a multi-ethnic family for me was very difficult Business relationship manager, Shaumiya Balasubramaniam Initially, my parents, who married out of love, were very understanding and accepting of each other’s faiths and beliefs. However, as time progressed, complications arose, leading to several misunderstandings. My parents were then divorced by the time I was 15 years old, and my life was very confusing up to that point. My father worked overseas, and before he moved, he had enrolled my brother and me in a Christian school. However, soon after my dad moved overseas, my mother took me out of that school and enrolled me into a Muslim school. At this point, I was just stuck in between two cultures and faiths, unsure of where to turn. My mother’s family forced me to follow Islam. However, my father’s family never forced me to choose sides. My father believed that we should be exposed to both cultures and religions and as we approach the age of 21, should be allowed to decide on which religion to follow. My mother did not feel the same way. Naturally, when someone’s forceful, one would tend to move away from that situation into a more comfortable one; I then chose Christianity. I was scolded and later even beaten by my mother for choosing my religion. And due to this, my father and I had a better connection than my mother and I. However, my brother, who is now a Muslim, was very close to my mother and her family. So now in our household, we have two separate cultures, and this affected me most during my own marriage; being brought up in a confused cultural and religious environment ultimately left us (the children) on the fence, seemingly with no options. I believe this is the main problem with mixed marriages; it is the children who are most affected. But this is my personal experience. On the other hand, I feel that if those getting into mixed marriages have a firm understanding of each other’s beliefs, life will be fine. If that understanding is not established initially, living and growing up in this system will be very difficult. Therefore, for the sake of simplicity, I am strongly against the mixed marriage system. Interracial marriages benefit children Former soldier Oman Army Rahuman Azara I am Muslim by birth and I follow Islam. When choosing a partner, I married a Buddhist, and we have been married happily for 26 years. As we got married, my wife and I understood each other, believed in our relationship and wanted to make it work. I was posted in Oman and worked for the Sultan’s Special Forces. I was stationed there for several years, during which my wife raised our three children in Sri Lanka. Every six to eight months, I would come back to Sri Lanka to visit my family, and if I was unable to, I would then bring them to Oman for a short visit. After getting married, my wife chose to convert to Islam, and I am proud to say she now follows it better than I do. I would strongly recommend an interracial marriage because of the benefits to the children. When we raised our children, we ensured to teach them all three languages, and now they are very fluent in Sinhala, Tamil, and English. We also ensured they were exposed to more than one culture. As such, when they go anywhere because they represent these different facets, no one can judge them; they cannot say you’re a Muslim or a Tamil or a Sinhalese. Instead, they will be identified as Sri Lankan. Especially growing up in the “gardens” of Slave Island, we were exposed to a vast range of cultures and ethnicities, and due to that, our children will grow up to be accepting, understanding, and participating in the faith and beliefs of all. Growing up in a multi-cultural environment makes you more tolerant Street vendor, Milan No two fingerprints are the same. Similarly, the world is full of people with varied ideas, faiths, beliefs, cultures, and traditions. Each person will have their own ideas and views about religion, ethnicity, or culture. So it’s natural for some people to be more patriotic or have stronger ideas about their beliefs than others; not every person is the same. As for mixed marriages, if both partners establish an understanding, they will be able to lead a happy and peaceful life. If you are brought up in a densely populated atmosphere filled with people of varied ideas and thoughts, you tend to be more accepting and understanding of your neighbour. Children born in Slave Island for example, will grow up to be familiar and comfortable with various religions and ethnicities. As such, those who grew up in areas such as this will be open to mixed marriages. I personally see nothing wrong with mixed marriages, as long as the couple understands, respects, and supports each other’s decisions in life. As families from two ethnic groups, we haven’t had any conflicts Housewife, Ossen My family is originally Malay Muslim. I have three daughters, who were not restricted in associating with any ethnicity, or religious or cultural groups when they were growing up. They had friends from various religious and ethnic backgrounds. My eldest daughter is married to a Moor, and as families from two ethnic groups, we haven’t had any conflicts or misunderstanding amongst us. My daughter is also very happy with her partner, and we get along fine. I believe that being open to these mixed and interracial marriages has everything to do with the environment and atmosphere in which children are brought up. If a child is brought up in a restrictive environment, where the parents choose a child’s friends for them, that individual will experience a culture shock of sorts later on and may grow up to be very closed-minded. Therefore, I believe if children are brought up in a free and open environment, they will feel differently about mixed and interracial marriages. It all depends on you and your partner Architect, Maya Wickremasinghe I come from a very vast background of culture, which was the result of several mixed marriages. My grandfather first married an English lady, my father married a Russian, and then I made it even more complicated by marrying a Chilean. I feel that one downside to mixed marriages is that the children of these marriages will not really feel like they’re part of any one culture. Being born and raised in Sri Lanka, do they really feel Sri Lankan? Even though the bright side would be that they are citizens of the world so to speak, it is very difficult to attach themselves to any one group or culture. However, on the positive side, they are exposed to a range of cultures and are therefore aware of all sorts of people from various atmospheres, cultures, and backgrounds. So although we could positively view them as a “citizen of the world” due to their mix of cultures, the question still remains of whether they will they ever truly feel attached to “a” culture or really belong to one and feel comfortable in that atmosphere. I am not unhappy being in a mixed marriage, however, ultimately it all depends on you and your partner. I feel that it is a bit more than just categorising each to their respective homeland or just the territorial and cultural differences taken into account. Instead, it is more about finding a partner who is on the same social level as you. I am not saying that certain marriages will not be successful just because the two individuals are unequal on a social or economic level, as theoretically, opposites do attract, and people do complement each other, but we must also consider what their childhood was like, whether they think in a similar manner to yours and what each other have in common. Accept your partner for who they are Ex-banker, Nadia Pinto Mixed marriage is a very interesting concept and can be very rewarding at times, but both parties must be willing to accept the beliefs and ideals of their companion. Religion or culture must definitely not be any issue for any couple in a mixed marriage. However, in my personal experience, marriage in a dogmatic relationship is extremely difficult. If arrangements are made before tying the knot and your partner understands and accepts you for who you are, that marriage will be a smooth one. Once you become a couple, and if your partner decides to enforce a certain law or rule, reasoning that “people change”, life will become difficult. However, just for the sake of marriage, I personally feel that one must convert or take up the religion of their spouse, or instead, accept that individual for who they are and find common ground in both parties. Mixed marriages, I feel, must be avoided as they will ultimately result in a lot of complications in the future. We educate our children in both religions Businesspersons, Thavapalakumar and Helan Rebecca My wife and I have never had any form of complication, misunderstanding, or conflict. When we first met, we knew what the circumstances were and the possible problems that we as a couple would face. However, we accepted these challenges and are still happily married and well. We have two lovely children and of course, we guide them and educate them in our own respective religions because we feel that that is our duty as parents, but they are free to choose whichever religion they wish to follow. When we got married, we initially had a conversation and agreed upon several aspects of our marriage and our future.