By Shakira Shareef   Saying ‘no’ is your power. Putting yourself first is self-care, but you’re instantly regarded as selfish the moment you do it. But remember, in the end, you’re the only saviour you have. This is precisely why you shouldn’t think twice about holding the ‘no’ sign board right above your head whenever you are in a position to reject something. Imagine doing that. Feels powerful, doesn’t it? Easier said than done. Not many of us dare to say ‘no’ or decline anything, even if it is with someone we closely associate. We can’t force or judge people who struggle to say ‘no’ but we can definitely help them get there. Someone I know always had difficulty saying ‘no’ even when things hurt her. For example, person A would ‘playfully’ hit her. However, a situation isn’t playful unless both parties feel that way. In this context, it wasn’t playful to the said person, but she put on a smile because she wasn’t ready to say ‘no’. She was vulnerable, and I’ve tried several times to warn person A. But I couldn’t always be there for her, so one day, I sat her down and made her understand why she shouldn’t let person A intimidate her. I told her how powerful her ‘no’ could be. She slowly realised it. She stood her ground. She used ‘no’ whenever she wasn’t comfortable with something or if it was not something she desired. It was hard for her to change herself in one go, but she got there little by little. If you’re struggling to stand up for yourself, take your time but don’t forget to take one step forward every day. So, the next time you are about to say ‘yes’, remember you also have a choice to say ‘no’. And here’s why you should say ‘no’. You’re not responsible for everything It’s not easy for you to let go of feeling like you’re responsible for everything, especially if you’re a people-pleaser. But the reality is that you can’t make things right for everyone, and neither can you adjust your life to fit their demands. This might look okay for a few days or even months, but the longer you keep doing it, the more it will become a habit. You’ll be committed to keeping others happy while forgetting yourself in the process. It’s okay to take care of your loved ones, but if something doesn’t feel right or you can’t do it now, say that you can’t. Don’t push the option to say ‘no’ under the rug and torture yourself. You’ll soon find yourself exhausted by pleasing people and taking their responsibilities onto your shoulders. You’re not someone else’s business, and neither are they yours   This is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. When you grow up in a brown household, it’s even harder not to worry about what your uncle’s friend’s mom would think about you. But every change has a beginning, and let the mindset shift begin with you. The brutal truth is that no matter how nice you try to be to people, they’ll find a way to be judgmental. If you stroll, they’ll complain you don’t know the importance of time or that you are too lazy to walk faster. But if you walk faster, they’ll complain you don’t humble yourself, and you walk as if you’re going to fight someone. Only you know why you’re walking at the speed you’re walking, so don’t mind people. Focus on what you want to do; if someone says otherwise, just use the ‘no’ sign board. You’re not obliged to explain your ‘no’ If you are in a situation to say ‘no’, just say it. You don’t have to find reasons to justify your answer. You don’t have to lie and you don’t have to pretend that you’ll do what someone asks of you when you get the time. Just don’t add more stress to your plate, because why should you? It’s your life. You can just politely decline, don’t try to over-explain because then they will guilt-trip you. Keep it subtle, humble, and plain.   “Freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no” – Madonna Ciccone     PHOTO © PEXELS Author bio:       Shakira Shareef is a freelance writer from Kandy, Sri Lanka. She writes on various topics and is passionate about Sri Lankan travel, culture, and lifestyle.   IG: @writershakira   LinkedIn: Shakira Shareef