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S&M: No excuses

24 Mar 2021

“It’s not my fault. No one told me.” “Why should I do it? He’s to blame!” “So what? She’s the one who should have known better.” Does any of this pluck a note or two in your heart strings? Or pound a rhythm in your gut? Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? How often do we wash our hands off a sticky situation that we could have easily avoided in the first place? Haven’t we all behaved irresponsibly? At times refused to take accountability for our mishaps? How many times have we pointed the fingers of accusation at someone else, directly or indirectly accusing them of messing up?   Easier said than done “Treat yourself like you are someone you are responsible for helping.” – Jordan Peterson Take ownership of your life. Take responsibility for yourself. Take accountability to build trust, forge principles, and motivate others through self-value and valuing those among and around you. These aren't exactly new profound sentiments, they are however pretty hefty words. And easier said than done. Often, a lack of purpose, unspecified goals, poor discipline, and disoriented focus can result in not feeling content or complete. This culminates into us not taking responsibility for ourselves. This has a butterfly effect on us not being able to take accountability for the things we say and do. And thus goes on the mere slip of some snow, cascading and growing into an avalanche of gargantuan proportions. Until it builds into a supernova snowball of debilitating consequence. It stands to reason that by neglecting a small thing in our lives, we can propel it to grow into something truly uncontrollable and unpleasant. Until we reach a point of no return.   Words are all I have... Responsibility. Accountability. Self-respect. Respect for others. These are words we see tossed around flippantly. Often in feigned ambivalence. We've heard many of the aforesaid words integrated into phrases at work, in social circles, among friends, peers and families, in varying circumstances, different situations and scenarios. Yet, do we pause to really consider what they really mean? Claiming responsibility for things when they go right is not hard. We see it happen all the time where people in the corporate world take credit and stick a feather in their metaphorical cap for the achievements that are not their own. We all know individuals who are exceptional at this. Those who don’t clock in or pull their share of the weight but are glad to step into the limelight when the outcome is favourable and worthy of compliments and praise. Then many are those who display and show the world they do take responsibility and accountability when they actually don’t. Do our words and sentiments carry any weight? Do we practise what we preach? Do our actions speak as loud as our words? I am going to wager that’s a NO.   Clean up your messes In order to authentically and sincerely respect someone else, we first need to learn to respect ourselves. There is a correlation between the above and taking responsibility and accepting accountability by primarily owning up to our mistakes. You know, cast our egos and bruised pride aside and be willing to concur that we are neither flawless nor indispensable. We need to have a grip on reality and possess a modicum of humility to accept and admit that we screw up. Owning up to our mistakes, even in the direst circumstances, is crucial for self-confidence and self-growth. This is where it's like chewing on chalk to spit out cheese – and is naturally difficult to do. It’s a hard fact of life that if and when we mess up, we need to be able to face the consequences. Yes. Even if it means getting told off, being chastised, and feeling a little embarrassed in front of others. Life lesson: If we are willing to be lauded and praised for doing something right, we must be willing to be criticised for doing something wrong. The important thing is to learn from that experience.   Heavy is the head that wears the crown   We see a wider gap of receding values in society today. Where an enormous influx of evasive personalities saturate society, because in their perspective not having to face up to the consequences of one’s mistakes is an accepted norm and tolerated trend. Why? Because in a world that becomes ever more sensitive and leans towards entitlement and pseudo-moral superiority, merry are the majority who shy away from dealing with reality, and so refuse to take responsibility for what they do and don’t do. Because heavy is the head that wears the crown of fault and burden. And that’s not a hat anyone wants to wear. Not really.   The blame game Few will own up to their faults and issues, accept and admit their mistakes, and attempt to remedy a situation or solve a problem. We see a large demographic shifting the blame to someone else. We see duties and responsibilities neglected, sheer common sense discarded. Imagine the calamities and drama that could be avoided by simply saying “I am sorry. Let me fix this. Let me learn from this and not do it again” as opposed to a tirade of fired excuses and justifications being concocted to elude having to acknowledge one's errors.   Get out of jail free Too many kids are allowed to get away with all but blue murder, being coaxed, pandered, and mollycoddled by their parents from a young age so they grow up expecting society and the world at large to render unto them a gentle pat on the wrist and treat them the same way by handing them a “get out of jail free” card every single time they fumble or botch up.   Boundaries Few are the households and schools that dare to set firm boundaries. Prepared to embolden those in their curated care and custody by explaining to them through open narratives and detailed communication why there are consequences for every action, regardless of intention, outcome, and context. Expectations are not permeated with room for self-learning and indoctrinating values, but instead every blemish is concealed, every mistake covered up, and every problem sugar-coated and solved on their behalf.   Forward and onwards “Don’t waste your time looking back. You’re not going that way.” – Ragnar Lothbrok People need to learn self-control and inhibit moral fibre through experience, guidance, and inspiration. On one hand, there are more folk who overprotect their offspring and shield them from every element and factor of existence, while on the other, there are those that don't set any parameters, boundaries, and clear-cut repercussions, never laying out the lay of the land and the truth that reality bites and life is not a path paved with rose petals and days of endless summer. Accountability is cultivated by establishing expectations, boundaries, and educating the younger gens of today that there are consequences for the stuff we say and do. Taking accountability for what we do helps eliminate unproductive efforts and wasting time on things that give no tangible results. Accountability teaches us to value ourselves as well as the hard work of others; that we must take ownership, responsibility, and accountability for ourselves. Honesty, integrity, nobility, and morality need to start somewhere. Taking responsibility is healthy for relationships. A person who isn’t intimidated to take the reins to face challenges and then admit a mistake if something goes wrong, is someone who is trustworthy and dependable. It takes courage to accept one’s shortcomings and wisdom to be willing to learn from them. We all mess up on life’s stage, along this road we call existence. None of us can turn back time, or erase the past. What we can do is focus onwards and progress by harnessing a philosophy to be the best versions of ourselves that we can try to be. And trying, ladies, gents, and dear readers, starts with taking ownership, responsibility, and accountability, by valuing yourself and by respecting others. Starting with a little bit somewhere is better than a lifetime of nowhere. “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle   Suresh de Silva is the frontman and lyricist of Stigmata, a creative consultant and brand strategist by profession, a self-published author and poet, thespian, animal rescuer, podcaster, and fitness enthusiast. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.


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