By Sakuni Weerasinghe Many eastern philosophies suggest that the root cause of suffering is attachment. Hence, many techniques adopted to heal the mind involve the practise of letting go. If we take a moment to reflect on our lives, we would realise that there seems to be some truth in the statement.

• How often do we find ourselves feeling stressed out at a habit we just can’t seem to get rid of?
• How many hours have we spent anxiously ruminating whether it was time to call it quits on our relationships?
• How many sleepless nights do you recall, lying awake in your bed frustrated at how you seem no closer to your dreams than you were three months ago?

The art of letting go certainly reads easier in print than when putting it into practise. When it comes to things that are near and dear to us – friends, habits, dreams, or otherwise – we tend to have a natural inclination to fight. Slogans or quotes like “fight for what you want” that somehow find their way to our Facebook and Instagram pages feed into the belief that we ought to hold on even at the detriment of our wellbeing, in a case of wants versus needs. The more we tighten our grip around things we ought to free ourselves from, the more psychosocially suffocated we become. Perhaps this can provide a full or even a partial explanation as to why people stay in toxic relationships, why we continue to strive towards goals that no longer bring us happiness in the process, why we struggle to quit smoking/binge-eating/spending excessive amounts of hours browsing the internet for no apparent reason, and why we just can’t shake off the way we see ourselves despite significant improvements over time. What actually happens behind the scenes of forming attachments is that we get comfortable; we develop a sense of familiarity with the way things are. We fall into the trap of being so comfortable with eating junk food at times of stress. As we become familiar with toxic forms of communication in relationships, we believe them to be the only form of engagement. We affirm our beliefs by adopting the premise that “every relationship is like this”. You might grow to believe that you cannot do any better. You might falsely lead yourself to believe that since you have been wanting to acquire a particular position in a company for so long, it is the only goal available for you. After all, it’s all you’ve ever thought of for the last few years. So you might even behave as per a label you’ve been assigned, such as “the yes-man” or “the shy one”. Your familiarity and comfort with that role may still overpower the way you see yourself regardless of how old and outdated it is. It is apparent then that we strengthen our grip around what is comfortable and familiar even if it continues to bring us pain. Letting go requires adaptation and change. Since adaptation and change require effort and breaking free from our comfort zones, we often dismiss them. What do we really need to let go of? Here is a small list to get the thought process started: So how can you let go of things that do not add value to life?

• Recognise the patterns of living that are no longer serving us. It is important to recognise how comfortable and attached we are to them. It is then important to grieve the loss in order to be free to let go. Grieve the relationship, grieve the habit, grieve the goal, and allow yourself to feel the emotions that are associated with them. As you do, start the process of exploring what else remains available to you. What else life has to offer. In what other ways you could add meaning to your life. In which ways you could nourish yourself and become your best possible self.

• Practise mindfulness. This allows you to stay focused in the present moment, making it easier to let go of the past mistakes which you might otherwise dwell on. Moreover, it gives you more freedom to respond to your circumstances right now, making way for more inner peace.
• Distance yourself from the thought, relationship, or situation. Whether it is physically distancing yourself from the liquor cabinet or maintaining a psychological distance from the person who seems to constantly affect your wellbeing, establishing a safe distance allows you to not frequently be reminded and then ruminate on the circumstances, thereby making the process of letting go easier.
• Remain compassionate towards yourself and acknowledge when something hurts or pains you. Allow yourself to be your own friend and engage in self-talk the way you would talk to a friend dealing with a difficult situation. Acknowledge that it is human to err. Forgive yourself for the mistakes made along the way.
• Encourage yourself to open up about your vulnerabilities and things you find difficult to let go of. This in itself begins the process of healing by bringing about deeper understanding of yourself and your thoughts. This may involve anything from talking to a family member or friend, or opening up in a confidential and professional setting such as talking to a mental health professional.

If you are finding it difficult to let go of a habit, relationship, or goal that is no longer adding value to your life, or if you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed and/or finding it difficult to cope up with your emotional experiences, please know that help is available.