- Online grooming and how to identify it
The psychological effects of grooming on children
To understand how grooming happens online, it’s important to remember that teenagers today have the same wants and needs as they did 30, 40, or 50 years ago: the desire for self-discovery, a need for validation, and a yearning for attention. The only difference is that there were far fewer ways to shame, manipulate and exploit kids when certain activities of theirs wasn’t recorded. Documentation via text and images creates opportunities to leverage shame and create isolation, which can push kids into believing they’re alone, even when we’re sitting at the same dinner table.
Online predators can take advantage of the things every child wants in life, which if we stop to think about it, are the same things we all want.
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Raneesha de Silva[/caption]
In conversation with Forensic Psychologist and SLIIT Lecturer Raneesha de Silva, she explained that the psychological and social impact of online sexual abuse is no less than in-person abuse. “It can leave a lasting effect on a child’s development. With online exploitation, the risk is higher for children to be approached by a large number of perpetrators who can stay undetected with advance technology,” she shared, adding that these perpetrators may also include individuals who misuse children for commercial purposes (e.g., pornography and sex trafficking).
According to her, the aftermath of abuse, whether online or offline is highly damaging, long-lasting, and irreversible. When giving more details on the long lasting impacts, she said: “It is wrong to assume that children will not remember sexual abuse and therefore, there is no harm. Even if they may not understand exactly what had happened or are unable to recall the traumatic experiences, its impact on children is much larger (than on adults) as they do not have the cognitive, emotional, and communication capacity to process their traumatic experiences.”
She also told us that there is also a high risk for a child with traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse; to develop mental health difficulties and/or engage in antisocial activities as an adult.
Preventing grooming
Preventing grooming can’t be done through a single conversation, and it won’t be accomplished just by telling kids “don’t” or by restricting access to technology. Remember, grooming can look a lot like making a good friend – it might not be clear it’s happening for a long period of time.
The fact is that kids are going to be online, no matter what adults do or say, and that adds a new layer of risk to growing up. We cannot underestimate the courage and maturity it takes to share our most painful experiences with someone – friend, counsellor, or parent – even when prompted. As caregivers and adult allies, we must be working everyday to ensure young people feel safe enough to come to us if a decision they made goes sideways. Not starting these conversations doesn’t protect them from the harm, it leaves them ill-equipped to handle it when it happens.
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Shehara[/caption]
In conversation with musician and mom-of-two Shehara she told us that with her kids – aged five and three, she has taken a few steps to reinforce the fundamentals with them, apart from setting up a few ad blockers. “Whatever they have watched so far, I have either watched before them or with them to make sure it’s not inappropriate. This even applies to some famous cartoons which I’ve found really don’t encourage equality and kindness,” she said, adding that if she ever comes across something that isn’t right, she instantly explains to her kids why it isn’t right to do such a thing and they understand it.
She told us that while It may come off as “overprotective” to some but, she thinks it’s important for her to do this when the kids are younger than five, so that by the time they’re old enough, they’d be able to call out the bad ones on their own. “In doing so, my kids have developed a sense of understanding to decipher between a good and bad show/site even now. They’ll shout ‘that’s not good, change it please’,” she told us.
We asked de Silva how we can expect children to recognise and report sexual abuse if they do not understand what exactly constitutes as “sexual abuse”, to which she explained that due to lack of such awareness, shame, and/or fear, children may then not come forth to give evidence, which may facilitate continuous abuse.
When we asked Shehara if she'd explained the notion of online grooming to her kids and how, she told us that she hasn't entirely explained it yet. “They only know that a person’s body is their own and shouldn’t be violated by anyone and also to be cautious of adults (offline and online) they don’t know unless they have been introduced to them by me,” she said.
On the topic of how this can be fixed, de Silva noted that it is important to build a trusting and strong communicative relationship with your children and prevent cultural factors from conceal abuse. “We must encourage children to speak against adults who cause them discomfort and enforce necessary safety measures to monitor online and/or offline contacts and activities,” she added.
She also noted that it is essential we be aware and actively contribute to create awareness (i.e., sex education) and policy changes.
Seeking professional support (e.g., police, psychologists) for additional assistance and not neglecting your civic duty; expose perpetrator to safeguard at-risk victims, was another worthy piece of advice she shared.
Protective laws
Because grooming is often the first stage of sexual abuse, it can create a sense for parents that if they can prevent grooming, they can eliminate the possibility of sexual abuse altogether.
Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do to make sure that our kids will be 100% safe 100% of the time.
Thankfully, parents aren’t alone in caring about their children’s online safety. We spoke to former National Child Protection Authority (NCPA) Chairman Prof. Muditha Vidanapathirana, who told us that there are numerous factors that contribute to the vulnerability of children online, which need to be addressed, as laws mostly exist to deal with such events after they have occurred.
“More than that, there are some policies that can counter online sexual activity. For example, it is essential that the education sector is equipped with the facilities and knowledge to create awareness about cyber sexual abuse. Computing and information technology are included as subjects in the school curricula, but there is very little stress on cyber crime.”
Sharing her thoughts on influencers misusing their platform and the amount of cyber crimes occurring these days, Shehara noted that It’s heartbreaking and a huge area of concern for parents. “I think every parent should look into the mental as well as physical and spiritual health of their children and also have a sense of what they’re doing online,” she commented.
Also, since children spend a great portion of their time in school, she thinks it would be great if children can be educated on these areas more by professionals who are truly looking to help build a safer future.
The NCPA has thus been taking steps to address this aspect of the issue as well, noted Prof. Vidanapathirana. “The NCPA, along with Save the Children International, started the End Online Violence Against Children programme to make children aware about online violations. Also, the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) gives children a lot of rights, but they are not very aware of these.”
To make children aware of their right to be protected, the NCPA is conducting several awareness programmes, especially targeted at teens above the age of 12. However, he added: “We do not ignore children below the age of 12, among whom we spread awareness with the help of our psychosocial officers.”
We can conclude, along with Prof. Vidanapathirana that Sri Lanka does lack laws against online grooming and cyber crimes, but there are steps being taken by many organisations to address the law; or the lack of – and move towards raising awareness and criminalising the act of online grooming and harassment.