- What does working with one’s inner child really mean?
Many professionals stand by the theory that the majority of the conflicts, personality issues, and challenges that we experience as adults, have their origins in our childhood. For that reason, “working with one’s inner child” is a phrase that we often hear in psychology, or psychotherapy, as a means to remedy the root cause of an issue, instead of simply treating the symptoms superficially.
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University of Kelaniya Department of Philosophy Senior Lecturer R.M. Gayan Karunarathne [/caption]
However, because of how ubiquitously this is spoken about today, the concept of the inner child is often somewhat misunderstood, or misconstrued. To understand working with our inner child better, and to define what one can do when working with their inner child correctly, Brunch spoke to University of Kelaniya (UoK) Department of Philosophy Senior Lecturer R.M. Gayan Karunarathne (BA Psychology, MSc Psychology and MPhil). At UoK, he currently works closely with the teaching and training of students who aspire to become clinical psychologists, and oversees their research.
We hear the term ‘inner child’ commonly at present. What does this really mean?
The inner child can be considered as the hidden part of an individual’s personality according to both modern and analytical psychology. Even though an individual is an adult and is progressing in their life, they may occasionally portray certain childlike characteristics, or think in a manner that is not very adultlike. These sudden changes or displays of characteristics can occur owing to their inner child. On the other hand, emotions like anger, fear of darkness, and pain, can be attributed to childhood experiences, and therefore, their inner child. In analytical psychology, the inner child represents the unconscious mind of an individual. In other words, a person may not be aware of the role that their inner child plays in their adult life, or how the various aspects of the inner child may present themselves. It is important to remember that our life from childhood to adulthood is very much like a chain that is all interconnected. As such, if there are any conflicts within the childhood component of our life, we may have difficulty regulating ourselves as an adult, emotionally and even in terms of personality. This is why many psychotherapists and psychologists stress on the importance of clients working on their inner child.
How does the inner child affect us in our adult life?
There are various stages of development in an individual’s personality. At the same time, most of us have heard that our mind can be divided into three segments, namely, the id, ego, and superego.
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Inner child wounds PHOTO © The Post Institute[/caption]
The id is the part of our mind that is primitive and childlike, and if it is not correctly controlled by the ego, as an adult, certain childlike or sometimes even inappropriate behaviours may present themselves. On the other hand, most of the parents in our society try to raise children in an authoritarian manner, without respecting the mental health and the wishes of the child. This can create unhealthy childhood experiences psychologically for the growing child. A simple example would be parents refusing to give a child a toy that they really like. This constant withholding of what the child wants can wound the inner child, and make a child believe that they are not able to, or not worthy of getting what they really want and like in life, and that what they truly yearn for, will always be withheld from them.
This wound is what the unconscious mind carries on to the adult life of that child. In a similar manner, a child who experiences emotionally absent parents, abuse, and harsh childhood experiences, will grow up with trust and abandonment wounds as an adult, which can cause significant turbulence in their relationships. They may either try to hold on too tightly to the people they love, or completely detach from connections in order to avoid potential pain. They may also suppress emotions, leading to psychological disturbances.
So, would it be correct to assume that trauma then affects the inner child strongly?
Yes. Any form of trauma, be it neglect, abuse of any form, or any experience that a child encounters while growing up, that has a strong negative impact on their psyche, has the ability to potentially wound their inner child. This has a direct impact on their personality development. Even experiences such as bullying and feeling like an outcast in front of friends and peers or families, can throw a child into conflict about their personality. I would say that the inner child plays a big role in how our adult personalities and behaviours are shaped, and that trauma impacts a child’s mind at a very subconscious level, presenting as unsavoury characteristics in their adult life.
We hear a lot about meditation and mindfulness in healing the inner child. Is that sufficient? How can one actually work on their inner child?
I would say that the most important factor that anybody needs to consider is getting the help of a qualified psychologist or psychotherapist if they want to heal their inner child. Generally, we go to a psychologist with a completely different issue, and the psychologist or therapist then identifies that there is an inner child issue that needs addressing. For example, if one is experiencing anger, mood swings, self-esteem issues, and so on, the therapist is the one who can identify the root cause of this, which is usually an inner child issue. I would say that one cannot, on their own, try to heal the wounds of their inner child through introspection alone, without the guidance of a qualified professional.
What is the biggest misconception, according to your expertise, that exists about the concept of the inner child?
According to my experience, I feel that the vast majority of people underestimate the role of the inner child in one’s adult life. The misconception therefore, is that they believe that there is no such thing, or that the concept of the inner child has been exaggerated. Additionally, most people disconnect the connection between childhood and adulthood. As I mentioned before, our life is like a chain that is interconnected. However, especially in Sri Lanka, because many of us ignore this relationship, providing people with psychoeducation and guidance to cope with mental health challenges can become difficult for a professional.
Another misconception is that some people believe that they can work on their inner child on their own using meditation, breathing techniques, and alternative forms of therapy such as art or music. While these methods are viable, they must only be attempted under the supervision of a qualified professional. Attempting to tap into one’s inner child and heal one’s inner child alone, can aggravate any issues and conflicts that may exist in one’s subconscious and unconscious minds.
Can somebody working on their inner child experience relapses in whatever they are trying to overcome psychologically or in terms of personality?
Yes, they can, and that is why continuity of therapy is crucial. In psycho-analytical theories we say that the id is the primitive part of one’s personality and mind, the superego is the “politically correct” part that is concerned with how others see us, and that the ego is the buffer between the two, balancing them out and coming up with the best possible and least painful solution for the person. If we discontinue therapy while working on the inner child, the id can overcome the ego and the superego, and therefore cause the person to relapse.
On the other hand, in behavioural psychology, we offer reinforcements to a person on a subtle, psychological level to resolve personality and behavioural issues. This stops an individual from relapsing back to square one. This kind of reinforcement is only possible through the motivation and guidance of a psychologist who is skilled at providing insights to a client’s subconscious that assists them to keep on doing the healing. Therefore, relapses can happen when clients discontinue guided work before they are ready.
Is there a specific method that is generally used to assist an individual to heal their inner child?
No. The approach and the methodology implemented will change widely on a case by case basis depending upon the nature of the issue, the personality of the client, their motivation to heal the inner child, and so on. Some clients may not even be able to reach inwards and heal their inner child at all. Some may prefer methods such as guided meditation. Others would simply like to stay with talk therapy. Therefore, generalising the inner child healing mechanisms is not possible, and not correct.
What are the benefits of healing one’s inner child?
The most important benefit would be increasing one’s self-awareness. A lot of the conflicts that we experience happen because we lack self-awareness. Another benefit would be that this work allows us to heal our childhood wounds and traumas, bringing us relief and changing the perceptions and approaches that we have towards others in general, and our life. All of this helps one to lead a more fulfilling and rewarding life going forward. On the other hand, inner child work is empowering and enables a person to progress in life, and achieve their goals, despite the many challenges that they may encounter. It also helps one resolve any problematic behavioural patterns and break unhealthy cycles that they may have been caught in for years. 
