- “Cruelty is a gift humanity has given itself.” – Hannibal Lecter
Spotting a sociopath
There is, however, a vast difference between immoral people and sociopathic individuals that is significant.
You must remember that sociopaths lack compassion, empathy, and a conscience and harness an insatiable desire to exploit others.
A sociopath, once having inserted themself into someone’s life, will then start to depict temperamental behaviour, at times intentionally provoking others to incite a response or reaction in order to retaliate in extreme forms of behaviour; be it physical aggression or verbal abuse.
Sociopaths will fully espouse and utilise their intelligence, charisma, skill sets, and life experiences to manipulate others.
They tend to lie to great degrees, sometimes themselves failing to connect the dots and gossamers of the web they are spinning...and will continue to lie even after they are caught lying.
Sociopaths can influence sentiments and compassion in others with threatening behaviour or deeply passive-aggressive behaviour. A sociopath will gaslight a person to feel shame and guilt when that person is the actual victim in the scenario.
They can never sustain a relationship for too long because they will get bored with it and seek attention elsewhere, or they will test its limits until it either collapses or provides some conflicting excitement and fresh drama that’s entertaining.
Sociopaths tend to attract other sociopaths like moths all drawn to a single flame. They can rally with each other as they find common ground in some passions and aspects of vocation or trade, but create a collective hive mind set where they find their attitudes and behaviour suitable to one another.
Some can be extremely lazy, and not care for responsibility, showcasing continuous trouble focusing on one thing – be it a job, committing to a task, or even paying off debts and bills, etc.
Others will not learn from their past mistakes and return to old habits instinctively.
The notion that all sociopaths are addicted to drugs or alcohol, attracted to crimes, take pleasure in hurting people, and have relationship problems is not true.
A few are able to behave in sensible and accountable ways. Even understanding the difference between what is right and wrong. This is a small percentage of them where they prefer order and wel-being in life than to inspire disruption and bedlam.
Red flags and what to do
You need to carefully assess behavioural patterns such as theft and stealing, abuse to animals, constant lying, destroying property or others’ belongings, excessive need for attention and narcissistic traits, inducing pity, blaming others for their shortcomings, harming and hurting those close to them with no care for the consequences, and the evident traits to harbour a profound desire to gaslight someone else – all being red flags!
People with family histories of abuse, personality disorders, and longstanding neglect can develop sociopathy. Even teenagers and younger children who have experienced tremendous anxiety, depression, and trauma could end up with sociopathic tendencies. If you spot it early on, you might be able to lend a helping hand and prevent a catastrophe from occurring. They may require medical help, even to be referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist who might be able to assess any antisocial personality disorders.
A country like Sri Lanka shuns and looks down on those who seek psychological and emotional help, it’s a so-called cultural handicap, where ours is a nation quick to form biases and prejudices against those who are differently wired from the masses. So you might want to suggest counselling and have a young adult talk to a motivational coach as a stepping stone to more comprehensive treatment.
In the case where you are in a personal relationship or one of a professional capacity with a sociopathic person/people, it’s best to distance yourself, cut ties, and look to change your current environment or status.
Some discover many years into a marriage that they are married to a violent, abusive spouse who may reveal their full sociopathic nature in time. You may require some intervention to separate and leave someone toxic who will likely cause you great injury or dire harm in future.
Others will face considerable hardship with the misfortune of having a sociopathic employer – and making arrangements to work under someone different is a prudent measure.
You must keep in mind that you cannot always change a sociopathic adult, whose habits are ingrained. While there are many studies on sociopathic and psychopathic behaviour, there is no formal cure.
It is wise to protect your family, inner circles, and yourselves from such people. Safeguard your assets and construct steadfast boundaries.
Sociopaths will integrate themselves into the fabric of your being and deconstruct and dismantle you from within.
The more time you waste fooling yourself that they are apt to change on their own, the more you will be drawn into their twisted world of exploitation, gaslighting, and manipulation.
We should not negate the fact that a counsellor, psychologist, or psychiatrist would be able to offer professional aid.
It is a noble thing to attempt to fix any problems you may have with someone sociopathic, and of course you should try and help them by getting them the guidance and treatment they need.
Still, remember to be mindful and tread with caution and care.
Suresh de Silva is the frontman and lyricist of Stigmata, a creative consultant and brand strategist by profession, a self-published author and poet, thespian, animal rescuer, podcaster, and fitness enthusiast.
The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication.