• The journey behind Subi Nanayakkara’s debut novel ‘The Narcissist’

In her debut novel ‘The Narcissist,’ Subi Nanayakkara takes on a subject that is often misunderstood and underexplored – narcissism. 

Drawing on her personal experiences, observations, and extensive research into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Subi’s book is a reflective and emotionally resonant exploration of this complex condition. 

Her goal, however, goes beyond simply examining narcissism as a psychological phenomenon. Through her writing, she seeks to spark conversations around narcissism and provide solace to those who may have encountered it in their own lives. The Sunday Morning Brunch sat down with Subi for more on what inspired this book. 

‘The Narcissist’ is not just another fictional account of a flawed character. It is an introspective narrative, built from pieces of Subi’s own life and her journal, intertwined with fictional elements that bring the story to life in a relatable way. 

The novel offers readers a deep dive into the mind of a narcissist, while simultaneously reflecting the author’s personal journey toward understanding this often-destructive behaviour.

NPD significantly impacts the individuals around those who exhibit its traits. People with the disorder often display an inflated sense of self-importance and a profound lack of empathy, which can lead to strained relationships characterised by conflict, misunderstanding, and often, emotional abuse.

Those in close proximity to narcissists may experience emotional exhaustion as they constantly cater to the narcissist’s needs while facing manipulation and control tactics, such as gaslighting, which undermines their reality and self-worth. This dynamic can result in low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy for victims, as they may internalise the narcissist’s criticism and devaluation, leading to long-term mental health issues like anxiety and depression. 

Furthermore, the pervasive need for admiration from narcissists often creates a one-sided relationship, where their partners or family members feel isolated and unsupported, as the narcissist’s needs take precedence over their own. 

Ultimately, living with or being close to someone with NPD can inflict a considerable psychological toll, necessitating targeted support for both the narcissist and those affected by their behaviour.

A personal connection to narcissism

Subi’s decision to write about narcissism comes from a deeply personal place. Having experienced a relationship with someone who exhibited narcissistic traits, she found herself grappling with the emotional aftermath. 

Seeking understanding, she immersed herself in research, reading extensively about NPD and related psychological literature. “I have done a lot of research into narcissism and NPD, such as several psychology-related literature reviews,” she shared.

This academic research paired with her insight from lived experiences provided her with a foundation from which to write. Subi’s depiction of narcissism reflects the dangerous nature of the disorder when it goes unchecked.

However, she is careful to acknowledge that narcissism is not always recognised by those who suffer from it. “People don’t realise they are like this because usually, people who are narcissists don’t believe they’re narcissists. They just believe they’re awesome,” she observed. 

This disconnect between self-perception and the way others experience a narcissist’s behaviour is central to the novel’s exploration of the disorder.

A journey of healing

For Subi, ‘The Narcissist’ is deeply personal, stemming from a desire to process her own experiences with someone with narcissistic traits. 

“I thought I’d write my thoughts down. It was a good place to put all my feelings. Then I realised that a lot of people go through this in their life – in relationships, with bosses, with their teachers – and I hope this book will bring some healing and that people can resonate with it,” she shared.

The novel revolves around a central character who embodies the traits of a narcissist. What makes the narrative unique is how Subi immerses herself in the mind of her protagonist. “I’ve written it in a way where I put myself into that person, seeing life through his eyes,” she explained. This dual perspective – looking outward from within the narcissist’s mind, while also reflecting inward on her own experiences – lends the novel a rare authenticity.

Narcissism, particularly as seen in intimate relationships or workplaces, can be damaging. It leaves individuals feeling disempowered, manipulated, and confused. Subi’s hope is that through her novel, readers will come to better understand the behaviours of those with narcissistic traits. 

She also emphasises that healing is possible, even for those who may have narcissistic tendencies themselves. “In the end, it’s a self-realisation, and the character hopes to heal, too. It takes you through a journey of healing,” she said.

Exploring ‘The Narcissist’

‘The Narcissist’ is not a linear story. Instead, it is a series of reflections and letters that allow the narrative to evolve over time. The main character’s grandiose worldview and manipulative tendencies are explored in fragments, with each chapter offering new insights. 

“It’s not a consistent story, but every chapter has some reflection,” Subi explained. This format allows readers to witness the fluctuations in the narcissist’s personality, and to observe moments of self-awareness that flicker between the more typical narcissistic behaviours.

These letters – many of which take on a confessional tone – showcase both the internal conflict and the external harm caused by narcissistic tendencies. Subi delves into this tension between self-perception and reality, providing a window into the mind of a narcissist, while also creating space for readers to reflect on how these behaviours may have manifested in their own lives.

In ‘The Narcissist,’ Subi also explores narcissism in non-intimate settings, particularly in workplaces. “Narcissism happens a lot in a work setting – when you think you’re better than others, that you know better than them, and that they’re inferior to you,” she explained. 

In her experience, this dynamic is often exacerbated in hierarchical structures where power imbalances can foster narcissistic behaviour, especially in male-dominated environments. Subi carefully distinguishes narcissism from misogyny, explaining that while they can overlap, the hallmark of narcissism is the individual’s distorted self-perception. 

The writing process

Subi spent 16 months writing nearly every day. “I’ve been writing for a living for a very long time – big campaigns, grants. Writing is my favourite thing,” she said. Despite her extensive experience in professional writing, crafting a novel was an entirely new challenge. 

She had always dreamt of writing a book, inspired by her love for literature. “I grew up in Europe, and I remember looking at Waterstones and saying to my mom: ‘One day, my book will be there.’ I was a real bookworm,” she recalled. 

Finally seeing her novel on the shelves of bookstores like Sarasavi was an emotional moment. “I just cried,” she said, reflecting on the realisation of a lifelong dream.

While her professional background helped her develop the discipline required to complete a novel, writing creatively was a new venture. “Everyone always told me to write a book, because if you can write big campaigns, you can write a book,” she explained, noting that this did not mean the process was not difficult, especially given what she was writing about. 

One of the boldest aspects of ‘The Narcissist’ is Subi’s willingness to share personal experiences throughout the novel. Drawing from her own journal entries, she incorporates extracts that speak to her deepest emotions and vulnerabilities. This has proved to be powerful based on the reception the book has received. 

“When I was out and about over the past week, so many people came up to me and thanked me for writing this. One comment that kept coming up was how relevant it was,” she recounted. “I didn’t know it would be such a hit, but I think people really needed this.” 

A conversation starter

Since its release, ‘The Narcissist’ has garnered widespread attention, particularly in Sri Lanka, where discussions of narcissism are still relatively rare. “Narcissism is something people don’t really talk about in Sri Lanka,” Subi noted. 

This silence around the issue may be why the book has resonated so deeply with readers. Her novel not only sheds light on a topic that is often avoided, but it also opens the door for meaningful discussions around mental health, power dynamics, and healing.

Subi’s work shows that narcissism is a far more prevalent issue than many realise. From workplaces to personal relationships, it can take a significant toll on those who encounter it. By sharing her story, both personal and fictionalised, she offers readers a path to understanding – and perhaps healing from – the effects of narcissism.

For those inspired to start writing through Subi’s journey, her advice is simple: “Write with your heart.” 

Having written for both professional and creative purposes, she believes that true success comes when writers stay authentic to their own stories. “We all have a story that resonates with us. We have to write what we love to write – not for someone else,” she advised.

‘The Narcissist’ is published by Jam Fruit Tree Publications and is available at the Jam Fruit Tree and Sarasavi Bookshops