• Why men still find it hard to ask for help 

June is recognised globally as Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, a campaign dedicated to raising awareness about the unique challenges men face when it comes to emotional well-being and encouraging conversations around mental health that have historically been difficult to have. 

At first glance, it may seem strange that men’s mental health requires its own awareness month. After all, conversations about mental health are far more common today than they were even a decade ago. Therapy has become less taboo; social media is flooded with discussions about burnout, anxiety, and depression; and mental health campaigns are now commonplace.

Yet when it comes to men, the conversation remains noticeably different.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), men are diagnosed with depression less frequently than women, yet they die by suicide at significantly higher rates. Globally, men account for approximately 75–80% of completed suicides. Research also suggests that only a small proportion of men experiencing significant mental health distress actively seek treatment or professional support.

The statistics raise an uncomfortable question: if awareness is increasing, why are so many men still struggling in silence? Part of the answer lies in how society teaches men to experience and express emotion.

Social conditioning

From a young age, many boys receive some version of the same lesson. Be strong. Be independent. Handle your problems yourself. Don’t cry. Don’t complain. Don’t be weak. Be a ‘man’. 

The exact wording may differ from family to family, but the underlying message often remains the same. As adults, many men carry these expectations with them long after childhood.

Aadesh Balasingham believes this conditioning continues to shape how many men understand themselves. 

“I think a lot of men are taught that their value comes from what they can provide, what they can achieve, and how well they can handle pressure,” he said, adding: “If you’re struggling mentally, it can feel like you’ve somehow failed at being the kind of man you were expected to be.”

This becomes particularly complicated because modern life places enormous demands on people. Men are expected to be emotionally available partners, present fathers, successful professionals, dependable family members, and financially stable providers, often simultaneously. For many men, the pressure can feel relentless.

“People often say it’s okay for men to talk about their feelings,” said Aadesh. “But many men still don’t fully believe that. There is still a fear of being judged, pitied, or seen differently.”

The contradiction is difficult to ignore. Society increasingly promotes vulnerability. Yet many men still feel rewarded for appearing strong and punished when they reveal weakness. The result is that many simply choose silence.

Unhealthy expectations

For Aasif Ahmad, this silence often comes from a desire not to burden others. He said: “A lot of men genuinely feel like everyone around them already has enough problems; they think they should just figure it out themselves.”

According to Aasif, many men are often willing to support others while struggling to extend the same compassion to themselves. “We’ll tell our friends to go to therapy. We’ll encourage people to ask for help. But when it comes to our own issues, suddenly we think we should be able to carry everything alone.”

He highlighted how this tendency towards self-reliance was often celebrated culturally. “We admire resilience and endurance, and we admire people who keep going despite difficulties,” he said. But sometimes that admiration creates an unhealthy expectation that people should continue carrying emotional burdens indefinitely without support.

Differences in presentation

Mental health professionals have increasingly pointed out that depression and anxiety do not always look the same in men as they do in women.

Many people still imagine depression as sadness, crying, and withdrawal. While these symptoms certainly exist, men often display distress differently: irritability, anger, risk-taking behaviour, substance abuse, emotional numbness, workaholism, or social withdrawal. Sometimes the signs are obvious, while often they are not.

A man who suddenly becomes aggressive, drinks excessively, works constantly, or isolates himself may be struggling with mental health challenges that neither he nor those around him immediately recognise. This can make intervention difficult and it can also make conversations about men’s mental health harder to start.

In particular, many men do not necessarily realise they are experiencing depression or anxiety at all. Instead, they may simply believe they are stressed, tired, frustrated, or failing to cope.

Immense systemic pressure

Interestingly, when discussing men’s mental health, many people increasingly point towards broader social structures as part of the problem.

Ashila Kuruppuge believes conversations around patriarchy and gender often overlook the ways rigid gender expectations can also negatively affect men. 

She said: “I think it is actually quite difficult to be a man today in many ways. People often talk about patriarchy as a system that benefits men, and while there are certainly ways in which it does, it is also a system that places enormous pressure on them.”

According to Ashila, traditional masculinity creates expectations that are often impossible to meet. “Men are expected to provide. They’re expected to be strong. They’re expected to know what they’re doing. They’re expected to have solutions. They’re expected to remain calm under pressure. That is a lot for any human being.” 

Ashila argued that the same systems that restricted women also created emotional restrictions for men. “The problem is that these systems don’t really uplift anyone. They create very narrow ideas about how people are supposed to behave.”

One of the biggest consequences of this, she believes, is that many men never learn how to ask for help. 

“There is almost this fear that needing support somehow makes you less capable,” she said, noting that because many men avoided asking for help, people around them often assumed they were doing fine. “It’s a cycle,” she added. “Men don’t want to appear like they need support, and because they don’t ask, nobody steps in.”

Surrounded by friends but alone

Perhaps nowhere is this more visible than in friendships.

Many people describe women as maintaining emotional support systems through friendships. They discuss their lives, relationships, worries, and emotions with friends regularly. Male friendships, while often deep and meaningful, can sometimes operate differently.

Many men spend years discussing sports, work, hobbies, current affairs, and shared interests without ever discussing what is happening emotionally. Aasif believes this creates a form of loneliness that often goes unnoticed. 

“A lot of men have friends, but not necessarily friends they feel comfortable being vulnerable with,” he said. “I myself have the same experience. Whenever I am to go out or do something, I do have plenty of support; there’s a massive group of guys ready to show up for me and that security is fantastic, and I never really feel as though I don’t have a community. But while it is not entirely superficial, we do not nurture these relationships emotionally.” 

Just as Aasif states, it is not that men lack meaningful relationships; many friendships for men are built around activities rather than emotional disclosure. The result is that some men can find themselves surrounded by people yet still feel profoundly alone.

This issue becomes particularly relevant when discussing suicide prevention. Mental health experts consistently identify social isolation as a major risk factor. Humans are social creatures. We are not designed to carry significant emotional burdens entirely alone. Yet many men continue trying to do exactly that.

A change in attitudes

The encouraging news is that attitudes appear to be changing. Younger generations are generally more comfortable discussing therapy, emotional well-being, and mental health than previous generations.

Social media, despite its flaws, has played a role in normalising these conversations. Public figures increasingly speak openly about depression, anxiety, addiction, and burnout. Encouragingly, mental health literacy is improving, but awareness alone is not enough.

Knowing that mental health exists does not automatically create supportive environments, knowing that therapy exists does not make it affordable, and knowing that vulnerability is healthy does not erase decades of social conditioning overnight.

As Aadesh points out, “The messaging has changed faster than the culture.” Men are increasingly being told that vulnerability is acceptable. The challenge is ensuring they actually feel safe enough to believe it.

Ultimately, Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month is not about suggesting men suffer more than anyone else. Nor is it about creating competition around hardship. Rather, it is about recognising that many men face unique barriers to seeking support and addressing those barriers before they become life-threatening.

Perhaps the most important thing society can do is challenge the idea that strength and vulnerability are opposites. Sometimes strength looks like resilience and perseverance, and sometimes strength looks like admitting that you are struggling and allowing someone else to help carry the weight.

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, or dealing with any similar issues, please reach out through the following hotlines:

Courage Compassion Commitment (CCC) Foundation helpline – 1333

National Institute of Mental Health helpline – 1926

Sri Lanka Sumithrayo (in operation from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily) hotline – 011 269 6666

Shanthi Maargam hotline – 071 763 9898