Today, 21 April, marks the 104th birth anniversary of Joan De Mel who founded Sumithrayo. She is our mentor, and her selfless passion towards social change has inspired and touched us all.
Her soul is free in the blissful realms beyond this world since 27 December 2008, leaving behind her daughter Penny and son Nick, but, the love and care that she showered on the Sri Lankan community still lingers on, through the emotional support that we provide to the needy. She will always resonate in us through her beautiful example.
Joan De Mel, being a British citizen, came to Sri Lanka in 1971 and married Bishop Lakdasa de Mel. Since then, the large family of her husband and warm-hearted Sri Lankan friends made Joan De Mel adopt Sri Lanka as her home.
At the behest of a doctor who had seen four attempted suicides in one day in his ward at the General Hospital in Colombo, Joan De Mel who was deeply moved was prompted to establish Sumithrayo for suicide prevention. It was with the full support of her husband and the assistance of a steering committee comprising of Dr. Wijerama, Nalini Ellawela and Munsoor Ghouse. This organisation which began in two rooms in Deans Road, Colombo, as a branch of the worldwide organisation of Befrienders in 1974, later moved to operate in the ancestral property of Joan De Mel’s husband in Colombo 7.
Caring and loving men and women from all walks of life were selected to work voluntarily in this venture. All were trained to express care in a way that would help others in a less fortunate situation. Joan De Mel who was a strict disciplinarian aptly trained the volunteers to give emotional support to those who are in distress, depressed and sometimes suicidal, and also to befriend any person who is emotionally disturbed or upset.
Joan De Mel was always happy and content that some people are alive and living happily as a result of contacting us. However, Joan De Mel was shattered when her husband Bishop Lakdasa De Mel passed away. To get over the emotional stress after his death, she authored a book titled ‘Lakdasa De Mel: God’s Servant, World Citizen’s Son’. What an appropriate title to honour him. This empowered her to bounce back to life. She also authored a book ‘Closer than the Brother’, explaining in detail how she founded this organisation amidst many hurdles.
Joan De Mel did not interfere in the management of our organisation. Joan De Mel was not egoistic, and did not seek name, fame, power or position in return for the invaluable service mooted out by her in founding such an organisation for our country with many such regional centres thereafter. Moreover, she continued to be a humble volunteer with us till her last days. She was so simple, kind, caring and adaptive, without any pride whatsoever that she was the founder. It is a rare trait that could be found in a person.
The ethics of the organisation that John De Mel founded confines to complete confidentiality between the callers and the volunteers who meet them. The volunteers are not allowed to discuss religion or politics. The service offered is completely free of charge. No obligations are entered into, and no moral judgements are made by the volunteers. Tender loving care is still a panacea for many of those who feel that they cannot cope with life. The assurance of confidentiality and anonymity does help to comfort the callers. Befriending is 'being' there for distressed callers, encouraging them to pour out all their feelings and listening constructively by accepting them nonjudgmentally, showing an empathetic, compassionate response and rapport. This helps the callers to relax and dissipate some of the tension. Just an empathetic look does help.
Whilst talking together, the caller reveals all that has been stressing them, and the volunteer says little but conveys understanding, giving some relief to lessen the immediate stress. From that position, the volunteer may then verbalise some of the options available, taking into consideration the family, financial status, etc., of the caller exclusively, in order to help the caller to relieve the immediate agony. It is just putting together unhappy, distressed people with a trained, friendly, empathetic listener to accept certain unpleasant situations non-judgmentally. This empowers the callers to handle their situation in their own manner. Those who have shared their emotional problems may return, seeking help when a new, difficult situation occurs.
In addition, our organisation has a Drug Demand Reduction Programme which is housed at ‘Mel Medura’ in No. 60, Horton Place, Colombo 7 – promoting a healthy lifestyle free of harmful substances, distress and despair.
The confidential emotional support in Sinhala, Tamil and English languages without any charges whatsoever continued since the inception and is still available all 365 days (including all holidays) of the year from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Finally, we pay tribute to Joan De Mel who guided the destiny of Sumithrayo till she departed with her generosity and her passionate commitment to help those in distress. She made her premises and land at her home in Horton Place available for the services that Sumithrayo provide and made most of her income available to charity, while her own lifestyle was simple and uncluttered.
We at Sumithrayo are eternally grateful to Joan De Mel for being an example by leading an exemplary life in spite of being the founder, and for leaving a legacy which will be treasured by us in particular, and by the community at large.
(Sumithrayo is a mental health service, providing confidential, emotional support to people experiencing feelings of distress, despair and suicide. It is a Government approved charity)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication
Contact Sumithrayo now housed at Number 60B, Horton Place, Colombo 7 via telephone-0112692909/0112683555/0112696666, and the website - www.sumithrayo.org