If you frequent TikTok, you may have come across videos of people talking about their mascara, and perhaps you were at first confused about the purpose of the video. However, the comments section may have helped make sense of things – people were using mascara as a code word to talk about the sexual assault they have experienced.
Recently, actress and model Julia Fox got in trouble after commenting: “I don’t know why, but I don’t feel bad for you”, on a video with on-screen text that read: “I gave this one girl mascara one time and it must’ve been so good that she decided that her and her friend should both try it without my consent.”
According to People, the comment made by Fox has since been deleted, but not before several users captured and shared it on social media. Fox faced a lot of backlash for this comment, but in a now-expired TikTok store, Fox said she did not know the term mascara was being used by some users to refer to sexual assault in a recent trend.
“So, I commented on a video because I thought this guy was talking about getting his mascara stolen by some girl, and then the girl lent it to her friend. As I read it, it just seemed so dramatic in that video, and I was like, ‘Don't catch a case, it’s just mascara.’ But it was, in fact, not just mascara,” Fox said.
“Anyway, I have already apologised to this person, but I just want to apologise to everyone who has been a victim of you-know-what. I’m really sorry. I’m really showing my age right now,” she continued.
The use of code words
The incident has sparked debate about the use of TikTok as a platform to share personal experiences and stories, especially those involving sexual assault. In fact, amidst the dance trends and the puppy or cat videos, you are likely to come across people talking about sexual assault, domestic violence, and even rape. The openness on TikTok is sometimes masked behind the use of code words, like mascara in this instance, which helps users stay within the platform’s censorship guidelines and avoid having their videos taken down.
One social media user argued: “Unpopular opinion? If you have to adopt random code words (like mascara) to talk about sexual assault on TikTok, that might be a sign that TikTok is not an appropriate platform to discuss it.”
“I get that TikTok’s censoring is really excessive but using little euphemisms for sexual assault like ‘trying mascara without my consent’ is totally insufferable and confusing. Use your adult words, please,” another user said.
Yet another comment on social media read: “I will never understand why progressive people beg so desperately now, in an era where ‘giving someone mascara’ has become a media-mandated euphemism for sex, for more prudery, more repression. It doesn’t make people safer, it pretends it doesn’t exist.”
A user also pointed out the use of a word like mascara to talk about sexual assault on a platform that has a large community that discusses makeup and beauty products. “It’s like if I went to Costco and started talking about hot dogs and got mad at everyone who assumed based on context clues I was talking about Costco’s $ 1 hot dog.”
The user went on to say: “As much as I hate terms like ‘unalive’ there is no mistaking what that term means. If you say SA, I either know it means sexual assault or I can google it and find it. If I google mascara, all I’ll get is actual mascara because makeup companies pay big money for first-page ad space.”
Oversharing and trauma dumping
Over the years, social media has strengthened and expanded its role in our lives. We use it not only for entertainment and education but also to connect with people and make friends. We tend to also treat certain spaces as journals, and the networking platforms make it easier for us to connect with people who have undergone similar experiences or trauma. In some instances, talking about an experience online can help us access helpful resources and services.
On the other hand, questions have been raised about oversharing. When we open up our personal lives to the world through social media, we may also put our safety and privacy at risk. If you are on holiday, for instance, you may want to share memorable moments on social media, but this alerts others to your whereabouts. If you are travelling with family, you are also telling people that your home is likely unoccupied.
You may also be unknowingly giving people with criminal intent a look at all the valuables you own as well as the various access points to your home through your social media posts. This is why social media users are advised to carefully consider the information they share online and avoid giving any clues about one’s current location.
There is also the matter of trauma dumping, which psychologist Kia-Rai Prewitt describes as the oversharing of difficult emotions and thoughts with others. “It is not a clinical term used by mental health providers, but people who engage in ‘trauma dumping’ often share traumatic events or stressful situations with others during inappropriate times,” Dr. Prewitt added in an article published by Cleveland Clinic.
This may sound like venting, which we also engage in, especially after a stressful event, but the article explains that, unlike venting, trauma dumping involves oversharing at inappropriate times, not allowing the other person to share their personal hardships, lack of accountability, and unwillingness to find a solution, switching from topic to topic quickly, and talking about too many issues for a long time.
“The person on the receiving end of these thoughts and emotions often feels overwhelmed and helpless because they aren’t sure how to respond or may not be given an opportunity to respond,” Dr. Prewitt explained.
Trauma dumping can make interactions on social media more exhausting than they need to be. While we can take steps to ensure we don’t trauma dump, we may also look for ways to avoid people who overwhelm us with their oversharing, which is why we may be quick to scroll past a TikTok about serious topics.
Where do we draw the line?
When talking about the use of social media to talk about our experiences and thoughts, a recent article published by Sarah Manavis on The New Statesman must be mentioned. Titled “Your therapist shouldn’t be on TikTok”, the article looked at how therapists are turning conversations with their clients into memes and dance trends, which not only violates the client’s privacy and right to confidentiality but can also make one apprehensive about seeking support from mental health professionals.
Healthcare professionals across sectors have turned to TikTok as a creative outlet, given their high-stress jobs, but some have also been fired for trivialising their jobs and patients’ needs. For instance, on 6 January, US media outlets reported that two nurses who worked in the paediatric unit of a Memphis children’s hospital had been fired over a post on TikTok.
While the original TikTok was deleted, it was reposted by another account and showed two nurses with their masks down detailing what they found to be an apparent “ick” in the world of paediatrics: “When a kid comes in with a gunshot wound but then cries because we got to stick them for labs,” one nurse described as the other laughs out of frame.
The hospital, Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital, wrote on Facebook: “We have received many questions and concerns regarding a TikTok video that recently went viral. We want to let you know that as soon as we became aware of this situation two weeks ago, we conducted a thorough investigation into the matter. The sentiments expressed in this video are unacceptable and not our culture of patient-and family-centred care. We immediately took steps to address the situation to the full extent of our policy. The individuals are no longer working here.”
The hospital added that they have also taken steps to reinforce a strong social media policy and will continue regular social media training with staff.
While such incidents remind us that we must be careful about what we choose to share from our professional lives and places of work, it also makes us want to reconsider our social media content in general. And we must ask ourselves whether we should draw a line between following the latest trend or relieving some of the weight off our shoulders and trivialising mental health, healthcare, and trauma.