Personal standards, also known as personal values or principles, are the set of beliefs, ideals, and moral guidelines that individuals use to guide their behaviour and decision-making. These standards are shaped by a person’s upbringing, culture, experiences, and personal reflection. Personal standards help individuals determine what is right and wrong, how to prioritise their actions and choices, and what kind of person they aspire to be. They help individuals make choices that align with their values and principles. When faced with ethical dilemmas or tough decisions, personal standards serve as a moral compass.
To make it even simpler, we can try to understand the beliefs and thought patterns behind these principles. For example, an individual who may have high standards in a professional context may have a standard of always being truthful and transparent in their work, refusing to engage in any form of deception or dishonesty, and might think: “Honesty is not just a good practice; it’s a core ethical principle at work.” Similarly, in a personal context, a person may think: “If I promise something to a friend or family member, I feel it’s important to keep my word because it shows I care about our relationship.”
Key aspects
Key aspects of personal standards often include a sense of morality and ethics, defining what is considered morally acceptable or unacceptable behaviour. These standards can encompass honesty, integrity, fairness, and empathy, among many other principles. Personal standards may also depend on how an individual prioritises their goals in life. For example, someone who values family above all else may prioritise spending time with loved ones over career advancement.
Decision-making is another key area that plays a significant role in defining self-standards. People often use their personal standards as a tool for self-reflection and personal growth. They assess their actions and behaviours in relation to their values and make adjustments when necessary.
Looking in depth, personal standards also provide a sense of consistency in one’s life. They help individuals maintain a sense of identity and purpose, even in the face of changing circumstances. And if and when conflicts arise, personal standards can serve as a basis for resolving disputes and finding common ground. They provide a framework for negotiation and compromise.
How are these personal standards shaped?
Our personal standards are the result of a complex interplay of psychological, social, and environmental factors. In our journey from childhood to adulthood, our standards are shaped by the world around us, influencing how we perceive right and wrong, as well as how we interact with others.
One of the most influential factors in the development of personal standards is socialisation. During our formative years, we absorb values and principles from our family, adults around us, and peers. We observe the behaviour and attitudes of those around us, and these observations are said to form the foundation of our own standards. The lessons we learn from our parents about honesty, respect, and responsibility, for instance, can leave a lasting imprint on our ethical compass.
Cultural and societal influences also play a pivotal role in shaping our standards. The norms and expectations of the culture we are raised in shape our understanding of what is considered acceptable behaviour. Cultural traditions, religious teachings, and societal values contribute to the formation of our personal standards.
Life experiences further mould our personal standards. Traumatic events can heighten our awareness of certain values, such as safety and security, while positive experiences can reinforce principles like kindness and compassion. These experiences serve as important reference points in our moral and ethical development. Whatever the gaps there are in this formation are filled through education and religious teachings. Schools emphasise values like responsibility and teamwork, while religious institutions provide moral and ethical guidelines.
In addition to external influences, our own personality and temperament play a role in the formation of our standards. Some individuals are naturally inclined toward empathy and compassion, which can lead them to prioritise values related to kindness and understanding. Others may have a more competitive nature, shaping their standards around principles of achievement and excellence.
Furthermore, our personal standards can be influenced by the people we admire, respect, or look up to. Role models and influential figures often embody certain values, and their actions can inspire us to adopt similar principles. These figures serve as guiding lights in our ethical journey. Media and cultural trends play their part as well. The portrayals of behaviour and values in books, movies, television, and the internet can influence our perceptions of what is desirable or undesirable. Cultural trends and popular culture often set the stage for the values we embrace.
When can it become a problem?
When personal standards are set unrealistically high, it can lead to perfectionism. Perfectionists may never feel satisfied with their work because their standards are so demanding. This can result in chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout. Having rigid or inflexible personal standards can be problematic when it prevents a person from adapting to new circumstances or considering alternative viewpoints. This inflexibility can hinder personal growth and cause interpersonal conflicts. Sometimes, a person’s personal standards may conflict with the cultural norms or expectations of their society or workplace. This can lead to feelings of isolation or the need to constantly defend one’s values.
High personal standards can lead to excessive self-criticism and self-doubt. Individuals who hold themselves to extremely high standards may be overly self-critical when they perceive they have fallen short, damaging their self-esteem and mental wellbeing. If personal standards in a relationship are too rigid or uncompromising, it can strain the relationship. For example, if one partner has very strict standards for cleanliness and the other does not, it can lead to conflicts.
Overly rigid personal standards can lead to judgement and intolerance of those who have different values or lifestyles. This too can result in strained relationships and a narrow worldview. In some situations, personal standards may lead to moral dilemmas, where adhering to one’s principles conflicts with other important values or responsibilities. For instance, an individual’s commitment to environmental sustainability may clash with their need to earn a living in an industry with environmental concerns.
It’s important to recognise when personal standards become problematic and to seek support or guidance when necessary. Sometimes, working with a therapist or counsellor can help individuals manage overly rigid or unrealistic personal standards and find a healthier balance that promotes wellbeing.
(The writer is a mental health professional and has, over the past 10 years, contributed to several Sri Lankan media publications in both English and Sinhala languages, focusing on topics related to psychology and counselling)