- Understanding where personal relationships stop and professional duties start
Abraham Maslow’s influential theory tells us that we are inherently driven to connect and belong, ranking these needs just below the fundamental physiological and safety requirements. This natural desire for companionship is universally experienced, spread throughout all aspects of our lives, including our workplaces.
While fostering friendships at work can improve the overall work experience, it’s essential to maintain clear professional boundaries. The challenge lies in balancing the natural human tendency for connection with the need to uphold professionalism. This balance needs a clear understanding of where personal relationships stop and professional duties start.
It’s important to accept that workplace friendships often have limitations due to professional obligations. You might share laughs and support each other during work hours but not necessarily hang out outside of work. It’s important to recognise and accept these boundaries.
When analysing workplace friendships, it’s important to consider two key perspectives. Firstly, the knowledge we already have that humans are inherently social creatures with a fundamental desire to connect with others, extending to our professional lives. Building relationships can enhance job satisfaction and overall wellbeing.
Secondly, it’s necessary to recognise that not everyone has the same preference for workplace connections. Some individuals prioritise professional boundaries, while others actively seek deeper connections.
Understanding these two factors is essential for cultivating healthy and productive workplace relationships.
Oversharing
Building trust is essential in any relationship, especially in the workplace. However, it’s important to strike a balance to avoid misunderstandings and protect your professional reputation. Remember to share only what you’re comfortable revealing to a wider office audience. For instance, if you’re experiencing personal issues at home, it might be better to discuss them with a close friend outside of work rather than your colleagues. Imagine sharing your financial troubles during a team lunch and then hearing about it from someone else a week later. To avoid such situations, keep sensitive personal information private.
It’s important to allow friendships to develop organically before exploring deeper personal topics. For example, start by discussing common interests like hobbies or favourite TV shows. Over time, as trust builds, you might feel more comfortable sharing more personal stories. Don’t feel compelled to share personal details if you’re uncomfortable or if someone is overly inquisitive. Suppose a colleague repeatedly asks about your relationship status, and you don’t feel like discussing it. It’s perfectly okay to steer the conversation towards a neutral topic, such as a recent project or an interesting news item.
It will also benefit you to observe how colleagues discuss others. If you wouldn’t appreciate your personal matters being shared in such a manner, it’s likely that others feel the same. For example, if you notice someone gossiping about another colleague’s recent vacation mishap, be cautious about what you share with that person. Your story could be next on their list.
Understanding the office culture
Understanding the office culture is crucial in navigating workplace friendships. Some organisations actively encourage camaraderie through team-building activities and social events, while others maintain stricter professional boundaries. This may depend on the nature of the work your organisation is involved in and if your team is collaborative and open or more competitive and individualistic.
This can influence the ease of forming friendships. For example, in a collaborative team, you might find it easier to bond over shared goals and collective successes. In a more competitive environment, you may need to be more cautious about what you share and with whom.
Handling conflicts
Navigating conflicts in office friendships can be challenging, but it’s essential to handle them with care to maintain a harmonious work environment. As your office friendship deepens, ensure it doesn’t create conflicts or tension with other colleagues. For instance, if you’re promoted over a close work friend, it might strain your relationship and cause jealousy or resentment among peers. In such cases, open communication and maintaining professionalism can help manage the situation. Have a candid conversation with your friend, acknowledging any potential awkwardness.
If a disagreement arises with a work friend, it’s crucial to handle it calmly and respectfully. For example, if a work friend takes credit for your idea, approach them privately and discuss the matter professionally. Express your feelings without letting personal emotions cloud your judgement, saying something like: “I noticed that you presented my idea in the meeting without mentioning my contribution. Can we ensure proper credit is given in the future?”
In case of a dispute, keep personal matters separate from work disputes. If you and your work friend disagree on a project approach, focus on the work issue at hand rather than bringing in personal grievances.
It’s important to uphold professional boundaries even when you’re close friends with a colleague. This ensures that personal issues don’t spill over into your work life. If you find it challenging to separate the two, remind yourself of the professional context and the impact on the broader team and company objectives.
Think about the other end
In the workplace, everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to sharing personal information. Just as you have boundaries you want to maintain, so do your colleagues. It’s important that you are mindful of these boundaries to foster a respectful and productive work environment.
When you are sharing, personal details can make others feel exposed or vulnerable. For example, discussing intimate relationship issues might make a colleague uncomfortable if they prefer to keep such matters private.
It’s important to gauge their comfort level and respect their privacy. Oversharing can eat away at trust if information is shared inappropriately. Suppose you disclose sensitive information about a colleague that was shared in confidence. This breach of trust can damage your professional relationships and create a sense of betrayal.
Colleagues may feel judged if personal information is disclosed, especially if it’s seen as negative or different. For instance, sharing someone’s struggles with mental health without their consent can lead to feelings of being judged. Sharing too much personal information can create awkwardness in the workplace. Imagine recounting a very personal story during a team meeting, leading to an uncomfortable silence and colleagues not knowing how to respond.
Ultimately, if personal issues impact work performance or behaviour, it can negatively affect the professional relationship. Consistently bringing personal problems to work might cause colleagues to question your professionalism and reliability.
What can you do?
By respecting your colleagues’ boundaries, you create a more harmonious and productive work environment. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues to understand your colleagues’ comfort levels with sharing personal information. If someone seems hesitant or changes the subject, it’s a sign they may not be comfortable discussing personal matters. Before sharing any personal information about someone else, ask for their permission. This shows respect for their privacy and builds trust.
By being mindful of these aspects, you can foster positive and respectful relationships in the workplace, enhancing both personal and professional dynamics. Finally, remember that this isn’t about discouraging workplace friendships but about staying aware of the helpful dos and don’ts.
(The writer is a mental health professional and has, over the past 11 years, contributed to several Sri Lankan media publications in both English and Sinhala languages, focusing on topics related to psychology and counselling)