• Exploring the journey of making friends as an adult 

All of us crave company. Whether it is hanging out with friends over the weekend, chatting with colleagues or going on a spontaneous trip with friends, we all aspire to have people who understand us. 

Yet, for many adults making friends can be a challenge. 

“Many people in Sri Lanka have already developed their inner circle through school,” Erangi De Alwis, 23, told The Daily Morning Brunch. “So every new meeting sort of feels like a casual conversation.” 

In order to discover some of the struggles and successes that come with making friends as an adult, we spoke to some of our readers on their stories, tips and experiences navigating through friendships. 

Longing and loneliness 

While many of us have a tight circle of friends we hang out with, others often find themselves longing for someone to talk to. 

“All my friends from school went abroad and I’m the only one here,” Dinuki De Silva, 29, said. “And everyone else has their childhood friends around them so it feels very lonely.” 

Many of our readers said they formed their close friendships in school while those of us who did not acknowledge that they felt lonely, especially when they saw pictures of their former classmates on social media. 

“I went to a very conservative school where I did not fit in,” De Alwis said. “So, I didn’t have a single friend and while I love my life, I sometimes feel so sad when seeing pictures of my classmates going on trips and attending each other's weddings.”

De Alwis said that a lack of social support has sometimes left her feeling worthless. 

“I know I would not fit into that circle because of my values and beliefs but it wouldn’t hurt to be invited to a party,” she said. “Exclusion feels awful.” 

Being excluded is an uncomfortable yet fairly common experience that many of us have encountered at least once in our lives. It often makes people question their self-worth and status, making them unhappy. 

“I have always felt excluded by a lot of people, especially since I am expressing, deeply spiritual and openly bisexual,” Vinura Abeysekara,29, said. 

Abeysekara said that certain stereotypes have made people avoid him, making him feel hopeless. 

“I never felt like I fit in, even at school,” he said. “When I went out into the real world, people started  being judgmental and started stereotyping me based on societal norms. It really hurts but I guess this is my journey.” 

Others have often felt a sense of exclusion as adults, especially when they do not fit into certain expectations. 

“A lot of people expect me to be in a relationship or married at my age,” Thisara Ranpatige, 27, said. “So people often invite their friends and their partners on group dates and I am often left out.” 

Ranpatige acknowledged the loneliness that comes with being excluded. 

Navigating adulthood after disruption

For many young adults, the COVID-19 pandemic became a defining period in how friendships were formed, tested, and, in some cases, lost. Social restrictions, prolonged isolation, and uncertainty disrupted the informal social spaces where friendships often develop organically, making it difficult to sustain connections formed outside school or university settings.

Several young adults said that friendships built in their early twenties struggled to survive the lack of physical interaction.

“Without being able to meet in person, a lot of relationships just faded,” Nethmi Perera, 26, said. “It really showed which friendships were built on routine rather than genuine connection.”

Others noted that the pandemic intensified feelings of isolation, particularly for those who did not have long-standing school friendships to rely on.

“I didn’t have a tight school circle to fall back on,” Kavindu Jayasinghe, 28, said. “So the loneliness hit harder during that time.”

As in-person socialising became limited, many adults turned to online platforms to seek connection. Social media, particularly semi-anonymous spaces, allowed people to express themselves freely and engage with others who shared niche interests, beliefs, or worldviews.

Several said that posting about their daily lives, hobbies and opinions online helped them discover like-minded individuals both locally and internationally.

“It was an eye-opener to realise that there were people all over the world who thought like me,” Perera said. “It made me feel less alone.”

Setting boundaries

Several young adults said the pandemic years pushed them to develop clearer boundaries around friendship. They became more selective about the people they engaged with, prioritising emotional safety over social approval.

“In group settings, it sometimes feels less about connection and more about asserting dominance,” Amaya Wickramasinghe, 25,  said. “It reminded me a lot of the judgmental environments many of us were raised in.”

Others noted that some social circles prioritised conformity over authenticity, leaving little room for difference.

“I realised I didn’t want to be someone’s scapegoat,” Wickramasinghe said. “Friendship should be a two-way relationship.”

While this shift often resulted in smaller social circles, many said the quality of their friendships improved.

Finding people offline

As pandemic restrictions eased, some adults reported unexpectedly meeting like-minded people in everyday, offline settings ; at cafés, workplaces and casual social gatherings.

“I’d run into people who shared my values in places I never expected,” Senali Gunasekara, 26, said. “It was reassuring.”

These encounters reinforced the idea that meaningful friendships are not always found through active searching. Instead, they often emerge when individuals feel comfortable being themselves.

“Choosing authenticity over approval changed everything,” Gunasekara said “I stopped trying to fit in and started finding people who actually valued me.”

Redefining what friendship looks like

Many adults said friendship in adulthood looks very different from friendship during school years. Rather than frequent interaction or constant communication, adult friendships are often defined by understanding, flexibility, and respect for boundaries.

“You don’t have to talk every day to feel close,”  Dinithi Alahakoon, 27, said. “Sometimes it’s enough to know you can show up for each other when it matters.”

Others noted that adulthood comes with competing responsibilities, careers, relationships, and family obligations  which naturally limit time and energy for socialising.

Despite this, friendships remain an essential source of emotional support.

“In a society that prioritises romantic relationships, friendships often get overlooked,” Yasith Fernando, 29, said. “But they’re just as important.”

Choosing connection intentionally

Many agreed that making friends as an adult requires intention and vulnerability. Initiating conversations, attending events alone, and accepting rejection are all part of the process.

“It’s uncomfortable at times,”Harini de Soysa, 24, said. “But it’s better than staying lonely.”

Several also emphasised the importance of self-compassion, particularly for those who struggle to form connections later in life.

“I found friends who share my values and are open to debate online,” Buddhini Rajawasam, 25, said. “Sometimes it just means you’re being more selective.”

Rajawasam added that adult friendships often grow out of shared values rather than shared history.

“When people stop forcing themselves to belong everywhere, they begin forming connections where they are genuinely seen,” she said.