• Unmasking cyber harassment on dating apps  

In today’s digital age, dating apps have become a mainstream avenue for people to meet, connect, and build relationships. Some dating apps even have options for those looking to just make friends. For many, and especially for young people and those in vulnerable situations, these online platforms offer a space to explore companionship in an accessible and seemingly safe environment. 

However, behind the convenience of online dating lies a growing danger: cyber harassment. From emotional manipulation to financial extortion, many individuals are falling victim to predators who exploit trust, anonymity, and the intimacy created online.

This form of harassment doesn’t discriminate; anyone, regardless of background, gender, or sexual orientation, can become a target. However, those already on the margins of society often face heightened risks. Perpetrators rely on tactics such as coercion, threats, impersonation, and blackmail, often assuming their victims will stay silent out of fear or shame. 

Justice can be served, however. While the legal process may be long and emotionally taxing, it has the potential to deliver accountability and relief when supported by strong legal counsel and community support.

Identifying types of online violence 

Especially since victims of cyber exploitation tend to be young individuals or members of already vulnerable communities, one of the biggest obstacles is recognising that they are being subjected to violence in the first place. Identifying the pattern of abuse can be difficult, especially when it is masked as intimacy or connection.

To better understand how victims can identify instances in which they are experiencing cyber harassment on dating apps, Brunch spoke with iProbono Programme Manager and Attorney-at-Law Shevindri Manuel, who has handled numerous cases related to this issue. She shared several real-life examples to help potential victims recognise the warning signs and better understand their own situations.

According to Manuel, iProbono has seen a surge in cases where vulnerable persons have been subject to such incidents, most notably queer individuals who are often targeted through dating apps. The pattern is disturbingly familiar: someone reaches out on the app, builds trust quickly, and proposes a meetup in a private location. 

Once there, the victim is ambushed, sometimes by individuals pretending to be Police, other times by fake family members or even partners of the person they met online. The goal is often not sexual violence but financial extortion, relying on the victim’s fear of being outed. In some instances, victims are drugged, physically assaulted, and robbed.

“This model of exploitation is not confined to Sri Lanka,” Manuel noted. “We have seen similar attacks in Bangladesh. One case even ended in the victim’s murder.” 

The lack of legal safeguards and social stigma surrounding queer identities only emboldens perpetrators. The anonymity that dating apps offer – once a shield for queer people seeking safe connections – has also become a tool for those looking to exploit them.

To help readers understand the variety of abuse taking place, Manuel shared more real examples. 

In one case, a victim was lured to an apartment to be met by three men impersonating Police officers. They threatened to report the victim’s LGBTQIA+ status and demanded money. When the victim said he didn’t have any, they physically assaulted him and accessed his online bank account to transfer money to their account. 

In another instance, a victim was given a spiked drink in a hotel room, rendering him unconscious. When he awoke, his gold chain had been stolen. These incidents aren’t just about financial loss; they leave lasting emotional scars, reinforcing fear and shame within an already marginalised community.

The challenge is that many victims may not even recognise that they are being manipulated until it is too late. 

According to Manuel, there are clear signs that should raise concern. If someone insists on meeting in a secluded place or pushes for quick intimacy, especially through the exchange of images or sexual conversations, it could be a setup. People who refuse to video call, share personal information, or are vague about their background may be concealing their real identities. 

“We have seen perpetrators use fake names, avoid face-to-face calls, and craft elaborate lies to lure victims,” Manuel warned. “It’s essential to be cautious and always inform a trusted person before any in-person meeting.”

Justice can be served

In 2024, a case handled by iProbono illustrated the grave dangers individuals can face when seeking connection online. Manuel recounted some of the details of the case, illustrating that exploitation through dating apps very much constituted a crime and recourse could be pursued successfully. 

The case was one of a client (a queer person) who had met someone on a dating app and was lured to a nearby flat after an initial public meetup. What seemed like a promising date quickly devolved into an unsafe situation when three unknown men entered, claiming to be the older brothers of his date. 

They subsequently assaulted him, stripped him down to his underwear, and took photos to use as blackmail. They rummaged through his belongings, found his wallet, and coerced him, through threats and physical intimidation, into revealing the PINs for his ATM cards. The assailants withdrew over Rs. 200,000 from his accounts and sent him home with a final threat: stay silent or be exposed.

“This case shows how vulnerable queer individuals can be when it comes to dating online,” said Manuel, who oversaw the legal proceedings. “Attackers rely on the assumption that the victim will be too scared to go to the Police because of their sexual orientation. That fear is what gives these gangs power.” 

The attackers’ weapon wasn’t just violence; it was the threat of social shame in a culture where being queer is still criminalised under outdated laws and subject to significant stigma. This act of shaming victims into silence also applies to a variety of other vulnerable communities, from young people afraid of familial reprisal to women afraid of being shamed for pursuing intimate relationships online. 

Despite the structural challenges of this particular case, justice was served. The case proceeded under existing Penal Code provisions for robbery with common intention. 

Since Sri Lankan law does not specifically recognise crimes such as sextortion or dating app blackmail, iProbono had to apply traditional legal frameworks creatively. All three accused pleaded guilty. Not only was over half the amount of stolen funds recovered and returned to the victim, but through an application under the Criminal Procedure Code, the court also awarded the victim close to Rs. 200,000 in compensation for the psychological trauma he endured. 

“This outcome was significant not just for the victim’s recovery, but because the court acknowledged the emotional and psychological harm caused by such targeted violence,” Manuel explained. 

It is vital to come forward

It is important to note that a large part of justice being served in this instance was owing to the fact that, despite the trauma and potential repercussions, the survivor of this violence made the courageous decision to pursue justice. 

Speaking to Brunch anonymously, he shared what had driven him in his pursuit: “I decided to go ahead with my case because I wanted to do the right thing and protect my future. It wasn’t just about getting something for myself; I felt that if I stayed quiet, the same thing could happen to someone else. Even though I was worried about the risks, I knew I had to speak up and stand up for what was fair.”

“When I first approached my lawyer, I was nervous and unsure about what to expect,” he recalled. “One of my biggest concerns was whether I could trust them with my personal situation and if they would truly listen to and understand what I was going through. 

“I was also worried because I didn’t fully understand the legal process and was afraid of making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, or not being taken seriously. On top of that, I was really concerned about the outcome; what if things didn’t go my way? I kept thinking about how the result could affect my future and the people close to me. It felt overwhelming at the time.”

Responding to cyber exploitation

Legal representation is essential. “A lawyer ensures your rights are respected, protects your privacy, and helps you gather evidence that will stand up in court,” Manuel said.

That evidence includes screenshots of messages, bank records, any explicit content sent or received, and identifying features of the perpetrator, such as tattoos, scars, or other physical markers. Reporting the incident at a Police station – ideally at the women’s desk – with a lawyer present can provide some layer of protection during what is often an invasive and emotionally challenging process.

Navigating the justice system is not easy. Victims must be prepared for a lengthy legal process, delays in hearings, and the emotional burden of recounting their trauma. However, in some cases, such as when an accused pleads guilty, the process can be faster and more straightforward. 

Regardless of the route a case takes, having a support system is critical. Legal aid groups, community organisations (especially in the cases of queer persons), and mental health professionals all play a role in helping survivors through the process. “Justice is slow, but it’s possible, and it’s worth fighting for,” Manuel asserted.

The broader impact of this case has already begun to ripple through the legal community. “It sends a strong message that the legal system will uphold the rights of all individuals,” Manuel explained. “Queer victims now know that they can seek redress and that their cases will be taken seriously, even if the law has not yet evolved to explicitly protect them.” 

This legal victory is not just symbolic; it provides a framework for future cases involving similar crimes. It reinforces the need for digital literacy, safe dating practices, and legal reform.

To queer individuals who are afraid to come forward, Manuel offered this reassurance: “You have the right to be protected. You have the right to justice. You are not alone. By standing up, you not only reclaim your power but contribute to creating safer spaces for everyone in the community as well.”

Staying safe

When accessing dating apps, it is essential to take precautionary steps to protect yourself from potential harm. 

“Avoid meeting someone in a private or isolated location during the first few interactions; always choose a public place such as a café or a busy park. Let a trusted friend or family member know where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you expect to return. Share your live location if possible,” Manuel warned. 

“Be cautious if the person avoids video calls, refuses to share basic personal details, or pressures you into meeting quickly or sharing intimate images early in the conversation. These are often warning signs of manipulation or potential abuse. Taking time to verify the person’s identity and intentions before meeting can go a long way in preventing dangerous situations,” she added.

If, despite your best efforts, you do become a victim of cyber harassment, here are some tips to follow: 

• Contact a lawyer first – especially if the harassment involves blackmail, threats, or extortion.
• Do not delete messages or chats – preserve all evidence (screenshots, messages, emails, bank transfers).
• Document the perpetrator’s details – save any identifying information (usernames, photos, physical features).
• Avoid further contact – block the perpetrator and avoid engaging further.
• Report the incident to the Police – ideally through the women’s desk; take your lawyer and evidence with you.
• Seek emotional support from trusted individuals or other support services.
• Understand the legal process – be prepared for delays and know your rights with your lawyer’s guidance.

For dating apps themselves, Manuel called for stronger community guidelines and user verification protocols. “Anonymity can be empowering, but it can also be dangerous. Platforms must find a balance that protects users without compromising their privacy,” she said.