I was 17 when ‘Arjun Reddy’ became the talk of the town among my friends. They were all in awe, telling me it was a true love story, an amazing movie that I simply had to watch. But when I finally did, I was horrified. The toxic behaviour of the protagonist – his obsessive, controlling, and violent tendencies – was not just portrayed as acceptable, but as something to be admired.
And what shocked me even more was that this mindset wasn’t just limited to a few individuals; it was shared by many 17-year-olds who were educated, and living in Colombo. If even young people here were idolising this as true love, I couldn’t help but wonder: what impact was this narrative having on those outside of Colombo, where access to diverse perspectives might be more limited?
In recent years, cinema has faced increasing criticism for glorifying abusive behaviour as the epitome of love. Whether it’s the romanticised obsession in Bollywood blockbusters, or the normalisation of harassment as a form of courtship in Hollywood hits, these narratives are deeply problematic. When abuse is dressed up as passion, it not only distorts the concept of love, but also has a profound impact on young audiences who are still forming their understanding of relationships. This trend is not just a reflection of creative liberties taken too far; it’s a cultural issue that needs to be addressed, as the stories we tell have real-world consequences.
Bollywood’s troubling portrayal
Two of the most controversial examples of this phenomenon in Indian cinema are ‘Arjun Reddy’ (2017), and its Bollywood remake ‘Kabir Singh’ (2019). Both films revolve around a deeply flawed protagonist who exhibits obsessive, controlling, and violent behaviour towards the woman he claims to love. In these films, the male lead’s abusive tendencies are portrayed as passionate love, with the narrative suggesting that his actions are justified by his emotional turmoil.
‘Kabir Singh’, in particular, was met with widespread criticism for romanticising toxic masculinity and normalising violence against women. The film’s protagonist, Kabir, is shown slapping and verbally abusing his girlfriend, Preeti, in multiple scenes. Yet, these actions are depicted as acceptable within the context of their relationship, with the narrative framing them as an intense form of love, rather than the abuse they clearly represent.
Despite the backlash from critics, ‘Kabir Singh’ was a commercial success, highlighting a troubling trend among audiences who seemed to overlook or even accept the protagonist’s abusive behaviour. This acceptance speaks to a broader issue in how viewers interpret these narratives – while the hero’s violent pursuit of love is often excused or romanticised, similar behaviour by a villain would likely be condemned. This double standard reveals a deep-rooted problem in how society perceives consent and respect in relationships. When the hero relentlessly pursues the heroine despite her clear rejections, it’s seen as a demonstration of his love and persistence. However, if the villain was to engage in the same behaviour, it would be labelled as harassment or stalking – despite the fact that both characters are equally disregarding the woman’s autonomy and her right to say no.
Hollywood’s influence
Hollywood is not exempt from this trend. Films like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ (2015) and the ‘Twilight’ series (2008-2012) have faced criticism for romanticising controlling and abusive relationships. In ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, the relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele is marked by emotional manipulation, coercion, and dominance, all under the guise of a consensual BDSM relationship. While the film attempts to differentiate between consensual BDSM and abuse, the lines are often blurred, leading to a glamorisation of unhealthy dynamics.
Similarly, the ‘Twilight’ series portrays a relationship where the male protagonist, Edward Cullen, exhibits controlling behaviour, including stalking and isolation, which are normalised as protective and romantic. This portrayal of love as something that justifies such behaviour can reinforce dangerous ideas about relationships, particularly for the series’ young fan base.
Again, the double standard appears: viewers often romanticise Edward’s obsessive and controlling behaviour because he is the hero, and his actions are framed as protective rather than possessive. However, if a less sympathetic character were to display the same behaviour, it would likely be recognised as the abusive behaviour it truly is.
The illusion of creative liberty
One common defence of these films is the argument of creative liberty – filmmakers should be allowed to portray relationships as they see fit, even if that means depicting them in ways that are controversial or uncomfortable. While creative freedom is vital for artistic expression, it comes with the responsibility of acknowledging the impact such portrayals can have on audiences.
It’s one thing to explore complex, flawed characters and relationships in cinema, but it’s another to present abuse as something to be celebrated or idolised. When films like ‘Kabir Singh’, ‘Animal’, or ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ are marketed as intense love stories, they risk sending a dangerous message to viewers: that abuse, control, and obsession are not only acceptable in relationships, but are the hallmarks of true love. This is not just a failure of storytelling – it’s a failure of responsibility.
On the other hand, films like ‘Thappad’ (2020), ‘Darlings’ (2022), and ‘Gangubai Kathiawadi’ (2022) also depict forms of abuse, but they do so in a way that makes audiences feel uncomfortable and reflective, rather than glorifying the behaviour. These films do not shy away from the harsh realities of abuse; instead, they portray it as something deeply wrong and unacceptable. After watching these films, audiences are left with a sense of guilt and the understanding that such violence is never justified in the name of love.
The goal should not be to sanitise all depictions of relationships, but to ensure that the narratives we consume do not romanticise or excuse behaviour that, in reality, would be harmful. After watching a film that depicts abuse, audiences should not walk away feeling that the abuser was justified or that the relationship was admirable. Instead, they should feel the weight of the violence and its consequences, understanding that abuse is never a sign of love, but a betrayal of it.
The real-world impact
The glorification of abusive relationships in cinema can have severe real-world consequences. Studies have shown that media representations can shape attitudes and behaviours, particularly among young people who are still forming their understanding of relationships. When abuse is framed as a form of love or passion, it can lead to a normalisation of such behaviour, making it more difficult for victims to recognise abuse and seek help.
Moreover, these portrayals can influence societal attitudes toward intimate partner violence (IPV) and domestic violence (DV), perpetuating the belief that such behaviours are acceptable or even desirable in a romantic relationship. This can hinder efforts to combat domestic violence and promote healthy, respectful relationships.
The fact that audiences often fail to recognise the problematic nature of these portrayals is itself a reflection of the deep-seated cultural norms that valorise persistence and obsession in romantic pursuits. When viewers cheer for the hero who refuses to take no for an answer, they are implicitly endorsing a narrative that undermines the importance of consent and respect in relationships. This is why it is crucial for filmmakers and audiences alike to challenge these harmful tropes and demand narratives that promote healthy, respectful, and consensual relationships.
Cinema has the power to shape cultural narratives and influence public perceptions. While creative expression should not be stifled, filmmakers must recognise their responsibility when depicting sensitive subjects like love and relationships. Glorifying abuse as a form of love not only distorts the concept of what a healthy relationship should be, but also has the potential to harm vulnerable audiences.
As audiences, we must be critical of the media we consume and question the narratives we are presented with. It is essential that we demand more responsible storytelling – one that promotes love based on mutual respect, consent, and kindness, rather than suffering, control, and violence. It’s time we recognise that the hero who doesn’t respect a woman’s no is no different from the villain who does the same. Love should never hurt, and it’s up to all of us – filmmakers and viewers alike – to ensure that the stories we tell reflect that truth.
(The writer, a feminist and the founder of the Gender Justice Collective, advocates for sexual and reproductive health and rights [SRHR], human rights, gender equality, and women’s rights. With a practical approach, she actively works to empower women and promote equality, embodying activism and advocacy in her pursuits)
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The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of this publication