In life, we all face tough situations and sometimes receive sad or difficult news. It could be about losing someone we love, finding out about a serious health problem, a breakup, or some unexpected trouble. Handling bad news can feel really hard and make us feel very emotional. But if we approach it the right way and get support from others, we can learn to deal with these tough times and find a way through them. It’s important to remember that we are not alone, and there are ways to cope and get through these challenging moments in life.

Different roles we play

Research suggests that when we receive bad news, we play various roles in response to the information received. These roles are influenced by our emotional state, coping mechanisms, and personal traits. Some may assume an active role, seeking to understand the situation fully and making decisions based on the information provided. Others may adopt a more passive role, surrendering to the reality of the news and accepting it with resignation.

Some of us may take on the role of a considerate listener, processing the information with openness and receptiveness. On the other hand, some may feel excluded and adopt the role of an outsider, struggling to come to terms with the situation. Additionally, there may be individuals who become demanders of truth, seeking further clarity and answers to their questions. Others may feel the need to keep the news a secret, shouldering the burden of protecting their loved ones from additional distress.

On the other hand, friends and family members play diverse roles when supporting their loved ones facing difficult times, like receiving bad news. These roles played by friends and family have significant impacts on the emotional wellbeing and coping mechanisms of the individual in distress. The roles include caretakers who provide practical and emotional support, listeners who offer a non-judgmental ear, problem solvers who seek solutions, distraction providers who offer moments of joy, advocates who stand up for their loved one’s needs, rocks who offer stability, researchers who gather information, encouragers who provide motivation, messengers who deliver sensitive information, and respite providers who offer relief to primary caregivers. These roles may overlap or change depending on the circumstances, and their support is crucial in helping individuals navigate through challenging situations and cope with bad news effectively.

How to process bad news

Processing bad news involves going through different emotional and mental stages that many people commonly experience and is quite similar to the process of grief. At first, there is shock and denial as the mind struggles to accept the difficult information. Then, strong emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or confusion come up, causing a lot of feelings. People may try to find ways to control the situation or make it better, which is called bargaining. With time and support, people start to accept the reality of the situation and understand what’s happening. They may also seek help from friends, family, or counsellors during this time. Gradually, they learn to cope with the challenges they face and adjust to the new reality. They may also try to find meaning in their experiences.

As psychological healing continues, people find ways to move forward despite the tough situation and make the bad news a part of their lives. It’s important to remember that the order and intensity of these stages can be different for each person. Some may not go through all stages, and others may go back and forth between them before finding peace. Each person’s way of processing bad news is unique, and showing understanding and support can greatly help them through this difficult time.

Not processing bad news well?

If we are not processing bad news well, we might see some signs showing that we are struggling with it. One sign is when we keep denying or avoiding the reality of the bad news. If we feel intense emotions like sadness, anger, or fear all the time without relief, it could mean we are not coping well. Difficulty doing our usual daily activities may also indicate that we are having a hard time processing the news. If we withdraw from friends and family, it might show that we are struggling to handle the situation. Moreover, turning to unhealthy ways of coping, like drinking too much alcohol or avoiding the issue, can be a sign of not processing it well.

Feeling stuck and unable to move forward in life may suggest that we are finding it tough to cope. Having constant distressing thoughts about the bad news may indicate that we haven’t come to terms with it yet. Sometimes, unprocessed bad news can also cause physical symptoms like headaches or trouble sleeping.

If we notice any of these signs in ourselves or someone we know, it could be a sign that we need extra support or professional help to process the bad news in a healthier way. Seeking help from a counsellor, therapist, or support group can be beneficial in dealing with the tough emotions and stages of processing bad news. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and processing bad news takes time and support.

(The writer is a mental health professional and has, over the past 10 years, contributed to several Sri Lankan media publications in both English and Sinhala languages, focusing on topics related to psychology and counselling)