We are already in the second month of the year. Perhaps this is the best time to revisit our New Year’s resolutions to see if we have succeeded in achieving them. When we work towards achieving a goal, we sometimes have to modify the original plan assessing what helps and what doesn’t to obtain the original goal.
The most common targets in our resolution lists include healthy eating, more physical activity, saving more money, less screen time, cutting down alcohol, smoking, or caffeine, and maybe a cleaner kitchen or room. As we struggle to achieve these daily tasks, there is one thought that pops up in many of our minds. “I wish I could change things easier, I wish I had a little bit more willpower.” Many believe that willpower is key to improving our lives. Therefore, a lack of willpower can be seen as a crucial barrier to achieving our goals.
Defining willpower
Willpower is not a new concept, but we still do not talk enough about how to boost it to our advantage. We have many common names for willpower including determination, drive, self-discipline, and self-control but psychologists characterise willpower, or self-control, in more specific ways.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), most psychology researchers define willpower as:
• The ability to delay gratification and resist short-term temptations to meet long-term goals
• The capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling, or impulse
• The conscious, effortful regulation of the self, by the self
• A limited resource capable of being depleted
Not many people believe that willpower is something that can be learnt. It is defined as an ability to avoid unnecessary and harmful impulses, and a skill you have in making a decision and carrying it out with perseverance until the goal is accomplished. It’s seen as an inner strength and enables you to overcome external and internal barriers. Some people also view willpower as an ability to stop being lazy and procrastinating. But simply put, willpower is one’s ability to get out of their comfort zone and work towards the desired goal. There will be very little you can achieve if you are afraid to get out of your comfort zone.
Delayed gratification
The term “delayed gratification” is typically used when discussing self-discipline in achieving goals, or in overcoming addiction. It is a practice that helps people resist temptation and focus on long-term benefits instead. Essentially, delayed gratification is the ability to wait for something that you want, ignoring the satisfaction that’s clearly on the table. It’s choosing to do what’s best for you instead of instant gratification that might or might not be good for you.
Delayed gratification occurs when someone deliberately postpones an enjoyable activity to attain a larger goal, and the smaller reward present becomes the price of achieving this larger goal. Applying this principle on yourself can be as easy as eating vegetables before eating dessert but also as complex as not spending for “a want” and saving it for retirement or forfeiting the enjoyment of a cigarette to avoid an increased risk of lung cancer in the future. Delayed gratification is also seen as a skill that becomes useful in overcoming various forms of addictions.
To practise delayed gratification, you need to build the habit of doing things without expecting an immediate reward. A great example of this principle in action is when you skip your usual television time to complete your office/homework that you get to enjoy a complete day off during the weekend. You can also relate this to prohibiting yourself to eat heavy calories during the day when you know that you have planned to go out for a lavish dinner.
The marshmallow test
In 1970, Stanford University professor of psychology Walter Mischel, put one marshmallow in front of a preschool child, before telling them they may have a second marshmallow if they wait 15 minutes without eating the first. Some children could wait while others gobbled down the marshmallow as soon as the researcher left the room. His study suggested that gratification delays in children involved suppressing rather than enhancing attention to expected rewards. Decades later, the psychologists behind the experiment tracked the children down as adults and found that those who avoided the immediate temptation of eating the first marshmallow were on average more prosperous adults.
Perhaps the most important conclusion of the marshmallow test is that willpower is not an inborn trait. The children who couldn’t wait and ate the marshmallows simply had not learned the skills that the other children used. Once they learned those skills, they got better at delaying gratification. This means self-control is a habit that can be learned, provided that you are aware of your temptations and that you put some effort into learning strategies for dealing with them.
Boosting your willpower
Self-confidence is key in boosting an individual’s willpower. If you believe that you can wake up early every day to go on a walk, it is less likely you will give up. But this doesn’t mean you don’t have to set an alarm every day. Self-confidence is not just a thought but also the small efforts you put into achieving the bigger goal. Work out what you want to achieve and how you’re going to get there. It is easier to find the treasure when you already have a map. If you don’t have a map already, it might be a good idea to sit down and map out your journey so that you know whether you are headed the right way after a while.
Overdoing it at the beginning can seem helpful at first when you are too focused on achieving your goal. But, unfortunately overdoing it can also make you tired soon, especially when you do not see immediate results of your actions. Taking gradual mindful steps is more likely to promote perseverance. It is also important to be kind to yourself while you develop willpower. If you are trying to quit alcohol or smoking, it’s most likely that you can’t give up alcohol or cigarettes at once. But try not to blame yourself for not being able to stop it at once, and instead give yourself the chance to stop it gradually.
Always remember that willpower or self-discipline increases by withstanding easy temptations and then working up to more difficult ones. How long can you wait before grabbing that marshmallow dangling in front of you? Two minutes? A month? A decade? The decision and the effort you put in are completely up to you.
(The writer is a mental health professional and has, over the past 10 years, contributed to several Sri Lankan media publications in both English and Sinhala languages, focusing on topics related to psychology and counselling)