Fluency with emotions

By Ushara Shamini

Emotional intelligence refers to our ability to deal with, be aware of and express our own emotions, as well as the ability to empathise with others and establish relationships. To put it more simply, it refers to the way we think about how we feel.
People with high emotional intelligence, for example, will easily be able to identify their own emotions and deal with them appropriately. This means they do not fall into rage-induced fits or become so frightened they cannot move. Instead, they feel a healthy level of all emotions and live in harmony with them. People with high Emotional Quotient (EQ) can also empathise with others easily, allowing them to identify problems others are having more easily. A high level of EQ also allows them to view people’s lives from their points of view. They form stronger connections with people because they base their connections on emotions and deep experiences and usually make more connections that last longer with the people around them.
People with low emotional intelligence have the exact opposite experiences: they fall victim to their own emotions because they keep repressing anything too extravagant and unusual, often resulting in a lot of unresolved issues. Due to this, they have more depressive episodes, react more violently, and are more paralysed by fear than people with high EQ. People with low EQ can also not empathise with people, which is crucial to understanding them. This makes it hard for them to sustain any relationships at all, often resulting in a lonelier life.

Some traits are typically found in highly emotionally intelligent people.

They’re not creepy but they’re not meek – People with high EQ go for what they want socially without being creepy. This is because they commit to social action and follow through. Usually what makes an act creepy is when we reach out to touch someone but get self-conscious midway.

They understand where you’re coming from – People with high emotional intelligence are constantly validating other people’s points of view. Many times, when we get into a disagreement with someone, it’s important to validate their position. This generally makes people more willing to compromise.
They know how to make people feel important – Whether it’s remembering small details about their family or getting excited when they walk into a room, people with high EQ know how to make the people around them feel important and appreciated.
They know how to joke – Knowing what joke to say at what time is a huge indicator of emotional intelligence. They know what jokes are appropriate, what jokes will make people laugh, and how far they can take a joke without hurting someone’s feelings.
They are able to argue constructively – Whenever we are arguing with someone with high EQ, they can filter out what we are actually arguing about in a matter of seconds. This helps us stay on topic and get a clearer insight into what the other person wants.
They know what fights are worth fighting – You’ve probably argued with someone and thought to yourself midway through the argument: “Why did I even bring this up?” People with high EQ know when to engage in an argument and when to walk away.
They know how to embrace and smile – People with the highest EQ know how to embrace you and how to smile. Both of these things will help you feel at ease around them.
They know how to say ‘thank you’ – The people I know with the highest EQ are constantly saying ‘thank you’ no matter how small the favour. This shows an awareness of the fact that people are going out of their way to help you.

The good news is that just like your regular intelligence, you can also increase your emotional intelligence. You can learn to become more empathetic, to be more aware of your own emotions, and deal with them better, resulting in a more fulfilled life. Emotional intelligence is fluency with emotion and it is powerful. It allows us to focus our energy on a single skill with tremendous results.

Author description:

Ushara Shamini is a freelance researcher, writer, junior SM executive, and translator.

Twitter: @Ushara_Shamini

Facebook: Ushara Shamini